Inspired by Master JB's post on this topic.
I have long identified as Poly, but started questioning myself when I associated with other poly people and heard the various definitions for the plethora of ways you can be open to more than one. After a while, I decided that definitions and labels were way too limiting for me in yet another realm.
As a complex human, I can happily pair bond with another person. I can do the typical falling in love, head over heels, googly eyed for them. At the same time, I could be open to having a casual sexual affair with someone without them, or with them. I could casually date other people, and possibly fall in love with them. I could screw with no thought for anything but a night with one or more partners.
In the monogamy world, no one questions a person's ability to BE monogamous just because they are casually dating and/or screwing a few people. They are just "shopping around" for their mate. It confused me that it was looked down on in the poly community. "That's just swinging", it's said.
Also, depending on who I'm involved with, the boundaries and potential can change. Add on a layer of kink and control, and things can get even more confusing.
So I suppose I will change my label to lovingly non-monogamous. I can love, I can lust, I can be committed and loyal, I can be casual and a free spirit. I can do all these things at the same time.
So, for me, I think the label is less important than figuring out, with whoever you're involved with, just what things sound good or scary or yucky and such to you. With that said, though, there's always the potential that something comes along that you weren't expecting, weren't looking for, but turns into a deliciously cozy fit for everyone.
So it's good to talk talk talk it out, but merely saying "I'm poly" and expecting any other person to define it the same way you do is unlikely. Discuss what flavors you like. What scenarios are appealing. And always care for what you already have.
