... I actually wrote a journal or blog regularly. As so many things fall away and new things take their place, I suppose this is one of them. I miss it sometimes but I try not to feel all guilty-fail over it. I'll just do my best to update it when I can.
Lots of things have been going on. X and I are closer than ever, really tight with a great friendship bond. We've been doing the munch and bdsm social circuit and meeting all sorts of new people and making lots of friends. It's been lovely. :)
D was kind enough to allow me to make a playdate with X last night. It was really fantastic. I was very nervous because its been a very long time since I've had an impact play session, and never with someone with the wide variety of implements that X has. And also never with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with, so there were lots of firsts.
I had no idea how I would react. I didn't know if I'd start screaming, trying to dodge blows, squirming, crying, become stoic, shut down, etc. So there were nerves about that. But when it came down to it, it was terrific. It felt good, even when it hurt. I got to feel the sensations of lots of things I was scared of, like canes and a horsetail flogger, a knotted & braided cat and a dragon's tail. That's why it's a good idea to try things you are afraid of, you get to either confirm the fear or lay it to rest. Besides, the nerves are half the fun (easy to say in hindsight).
On the kitty front, Melody is doing very well. She's still got a stuffy nose, but she's put on weight and her coat feels much fuller and softer. She's still a scaredy cat, though, and I'm not sure why. I suspect she may have some hearing and vision problems as she never seems to recognize me and often sleeps through me entering the room.
It looks like I will be moving to Texas soon. I think I've mentioned my ex L before. We are very close friends and business associates, and he's convinced me that I need to move closer for the benefit of my business and finances. I'm pretty sad about leaving X behind and of course all my other many wonderful friends here, but I feel like it's time. L's girlfriend, N, is also very enthusiastic about me moving close, and I feel pretty good about it too. It's rough because I've built such a wonderful support system here, but the change and opportunities are exciting. So boxing up and purging is on the agenda for the next while. I figure if I can get a good majority taken care of, that I can live with very few items out.
It's hard to say when it will actually happen. Anywhere between a month and 6 months is the guess, but it depends on when we can find a suitable house and L can get up here, help me pack up a truck and then drive the kitties and I down. I'll be moving to the greater Houston area.
I'm pretty worried about making the move with Melody. I'm really hoping I can find someone to take her before that happens. She's made some great strides, but with my bully, Simple, around, we've taken a lot of setbacks too. I worry that the trip will be too long (18 hours in the car) and stressful and she'll end up really sick.
Ah well. I'll deal with that when I get to it.
I'll be spending the weekend off at munch and playparty so that should be fun. I may even get the balls up to play in public. We'll see.
D and I are still doing great. It's in that comfort zone level where I'm rarely fretful about where things are going or how he feels about me. It feels good to feel secure and happy and supported in my explorations and fun. I know I can rely on him to be there for me with great advice and a caring heart, and that's really important to me. We've both been super busy but still manage to make time for each other. I'm very lucky. :)
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Kitty update!
It turns out baby kitty is not a baby after all, she's an 8-10 year old female kitty who appears to not have a spay scar nor any signs of having been pregnant ever. Her spay scar may just be really old. We'll see if she goes into heat or not. And.. she has a name, Melody. I may end up changing it as her personality comes out, but for now, that is her name because she likes to sing (purr) to me.
Melody is doing pretty well. I did take her in to the local rescue for a check up and to sign her up for their foster program, but she was rejected. :( She's too old and sickly for them to put an effort into. I understand, there are healthier, younger pets who have a better chance of being homed.
Anyways, she's living with me for now, and perhaps forever depending on how my boys take to her. Morris is no problem, but Simple is a bully, so we'll see how it works out. I took her to another vet who was able to check her out and prescribe some meds to get her upper respiratory infection cleared up along with dewormer and earmites. The folks at the shelter "accidentally" gave her flea meds, so now that problem is also taken care of.
I'm working on getting her symptom free so I can start introductions with the boys. But.. if someone is looking for a pet cat, perhaps for themselves or an elderly relative as a companion/lap cat, I am looking for a home for her still. She's a sweet girl with a black face, a little white spot on her chest, an auburn tail and brown legs. She's not patchy like a calico. Her fur blends seamlessly from one color to the next.
Melody is doing pretty well. I did take her in to the local rescue for a check up and to sign her up for their foster program, but she was rejected. :( She's too old and sickly for them to put an effort into. I understand, there are healthier, younger pets who have a better chance of being homed.
Anyways, she's living with me for now, and perhaps forever depending on how my boys take to her. Morris is no problem, but Simple is a bully, so we'll see how it works out. I took her to another vet who was able to check her out and prescribe some meds to get her upper respiratory infection cleared up along with dewormer and earmites. The folks at the shelter "accidentally" gave her flea meds, so now that problem is also taken care of.
I'm working on getting her symptom free so I can start introductions with the boys. But.. if someone is looking for a pet cat, perhaps for themselves or an elderly relative as a companion/lap cat, I am looking for a home for her still. She's a sweet girl with a black face, a little white spot on her chest, an auburn tail and brown legs. She's not patchy like a calico. Her fur blends seamlessly from one color to the next.
Tell it to your Mama
I'm so over toxic people who bring drama into my life. Goodbye and stay away.
No, I'm not leaving Fetlife nor am I particularly angry or flouncing or anything. I just had to come to the realization for myself that there are some folks that I can't be friends with. They are bad for me and I end up not liking who I am around them.
I also realize that I am doing something to attract this sort of person into my life. I am, despite some appearances, rather a compassionate person, sometimes to my own detriment. Usually, it is absolutely the right thing to help someone out, especially a friend, if they need you. But I need to be better at spotting who I *shouldn't* help.
My safety, stability and happiness does have to take priority over that of a stranger. It's an old lesson from my teen years that I seem to have forgotten lately. But, I don't like that "me" either. Being crusty and having up walls up all the time to keep other people out is not the right thing for me either.
So where is the middle ground where I'm better at vetting those who need, deserve and appreciate the help rather than those who will take and take and take and then drag my name through the mud when I say enough is enough?
I don't want to be the closed off creature from yesteryear, but I also don't want to be a moron and get myself taken advantage by the lusers (loser + user) of this world. I know my friends usually have a better eye than I do. I probably should rely on them more when it comes to this. D warned me that I could be bringing drama into my house this last time around, but supported me trying to help someone out. I suppose the risk of drama doesn't seem that bothersome until I'm embroiled in it.
It seems my extremist personality is rearing it's head again. I joke that it's my Libra self trying to balance things out through being one way or another, but rarely moderate. So I guess in this situation I find myself either very compassionate or very cynical. Perhaps that is the blend that attracts drama queens to it.
No, I'm not leaving Fetlife nor am I particularly angry or flouncing or anything. I just had to come to the realization for myself that there are some folks that I can't be friends with. They are bad for me and I end up not liking who I am around them.
I also realize that I am doing something to attract this sort of person into my life. I am, despite some appearances, rather a compassionate person, sometimes to my own detriment. Usually, it is absolutely the right thing to help someone out, especially a friend, if they need you. But I need to be better at spotting who I *shouldn't* help.
My safety, stability and happiness does have to take priority over that of a stranger. It's an old lesson from my teen years that I seem to have forgotten lately. But, I don't like that "me" either. Being crusty and having up walls up all the time to keep other people out is not the right thing for me either.
So where is the middle ground where I'm better at vetting those who need, deserve and appreciate the help rather than those who will take and take and take and then drag my name through the mud when I say enough is enough?
I don't want to be the closed off creature from yesteryear, but I also don't want to be a moron and get myself taken advantage by the lusers (loser + user) of this world. I know my friends usually have a better eye than I do. I probably should rely on them more when it comes to this. D warned me that I could be bringing drama into my house this last time around, but supported me trying to help someone out. I suppose the risk of drama doesn't seem that bothersome until I'm embroiled in it.
It seems my extremist personality is rearing it's head again. I joke that it's my Libra self trying to balance things out through being one way or another, but rarely moderate. So I guess in this situation I find myself either very compassionate or very cynical. Perhaps that is the blend that attracts drama queens to it.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Kitten news
So baby kitty is doing well. I've moved her into the itty bitty bathroom because she was having litter box issues. As soon as she was confined to a smaller space with vinyl flooring, she adapted immediately to the litter box. There have been no accidents at all, so I think she was perhaps just too nervous in the larger room to use the box properly.
Kitty also has fleas, and I don't just mean 1 or 2, but a whole flea circus. As she's not ok with me picking her up and I don't even want to contemplate giving her a bath, I've been flea combing and washing her with a cloth. Fleas are gross.
I still need a name for her. I got her into a foster program at a local shelter. For $20 they will vet check, test and treat illnesses and diseases and I'll give her a place to live and take her in for adoption days. Her first appointment is on Tuesday and I'd like her to have a name by then. Any suggestions?
Kitty also has fleas, and I don't just mean 1 or 2, but a whole flea circus. As she's not ok with me picking her up and I don't even want to contemplate giving her a bath, I've been flea combing and washing her with a cloth. Fleas are gross.
I still need a name for her. I got her into a foster program at a local shelter. For $20 they will vet check, test and treat illnesses and diseases and I'll give her a place to live and take her in for adoption days. Her first appointment is on Tuesday and I'd like her to have a name by then. Any suggestions?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Birthday and Saturn Return
So Friday was my 34th birthday. Yay me! I know a lot of folks have nothing but angst at their birthday, but I don't. I really just enjoy it more and more every year. Friday wasn't a super exciting day, I had to work after all, but that night my friend X and I went to a local munch with plans to go to the Ren Faire the next day.
Faire was awesome. The weather was perfect and I had 4 of my favorite people come with me for a fabulous girls day of drunkenness and debauchery. Way too fun. I also got a bit drunk, but apparently I was a happy drunk. :D
One of my new traditions is to get a tarot reading by my friend R every year after my birthday and do a bit of a check-in for the year. There was lots of good stuff and some stuff to learn in there, but the most interesting was the concept of "Saturn Return" and the fact that I had missed mine. R explained it as a sort of "diploma" of what you've learned in that part of your life. For the lazy, here's the Wiki Entry.
Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson on something the first time around. Go figure.
Another part of my tarot was the fact I haven't been journaling lately and that I really ought to do so. So here I am trying to work on that particular part. Besides, I miss it sometimes. The reason I was so happy to start journalling in the first place was because I could go back later and read old entries. Hopefully, in an attempt to see where I've been, what I've done, and what I've learned. Learning stuff is good.
S snuck 3 bottles of wine in as my present. She asked me what I'd want to drink and I told her wine, cheap, white and plentiful. She delivered. ;)
She picked wine with awesome names too. One was Mad Housewife, Royal Bitch and hmm.. I can't remember the last one. Probably because I drank it already. ;)
After an absolutely amazing day hanging with my girls, we headed out to my favorite sushi bar on the planet (OK, so I've never been to Japan, but still! so good!) with my girls and a couple other friends who wanted to treat me to my favorite meal. I was all filled up on raw fishies and good times and headed home to snuggle up with kitties.
On the relationship front, Daddy and I have continued to be insanely busy the past few months. It's been rough but we finally got time today to have some sexeh time. It was much needed by both of us frankly. I'm managed to keep plenty busy, but I still miss him even then. At least I'm not pining. That's progress, right?
T, the stray puppy I took in, has moved on to another home. No, she's not actually a puppy, just as messy, excited, annoying, attention seeking and destructive as one. She's also gifted at telling me I'm doing it wrong. Fortunately, I think she's with a person she can get along with well and I really hope it works out for her. I have my key back.
So there's been a stray cat at the shop for the past week. She got into the basement somehow and won't leave. Anyways, I finally caught her today, which the new scars on my arms will attest to. She's very sweet, but filthy and possibly diseased. I was planning to take her to a shelter, but because of all the folks losing their jobs and homes, the shelters are too full to take her. I could pay $25 and have her killed at the humane society, which they would do as she's unadoptable in this state, but I couldn't just let it go. So I called my ex, L, who I've managed to turn into the crazy cat man over the years we were together. I told him about her and asked him if he could help with her vet bills so I could try to give her a home. I live on a super tight budget and spaying and vetting a new kitty is just not on it, sadly.
On that note, if a new kitty (or doggy) IS on yours, please please please go adopt one? And for the love of christ (or your diety/grandmother of choice) get all your pets spayed/neutered. While I'm on the soap box, treat your animals with love, respect and care. New kitty has obviously been abused by someone. She was someone's pet and they threw her away. Now she's feral and almost died. She was drinking nasty water in the basement before we started giving her food and water. It breaks my heart.
So now I have a new kitty, at least for now. I'm not sure if I will be able to just foster her and hope for someone to want to own her or not, or if I will have to keep her. She'll let me pet her a bit, so she's not completely wild, but she's very shy, nervous and hopeful all in one. Now I need to come up with a name. Suggestions are welcome.
At this moment, kitty is snuggled up in her new room, food, shelter, fresh water, a litter box (god I hope she uses it!) and a VERY full tummy. Happily she loves the premium cat food I bought that Mo and Simple sneer at.
Speaking of rooms, the room was so nasty after T left that I had to clean it before I'd let the cat live in there. You know, the stray cat that's filthy herself? Yeah. Gross. There was food all over the floor. Chips, ramen noodles, dog food, cereal. And I'm not talking about a few crumbs. I'm talking about having to use a broom on the carpet before I could use a vacuum because it would get clogged otherwise.
So I don't have good thoughts about "roommates" right now, especially those who aren't actual roommates who pay their own way, but those who are virtually homeless who take advantage of my hospitality and then are totally ungrateful and leave me a mess to clean up. I need to learn to be less sympathetic apparently. *sigh*
And yes, I'm aware of the irony of getting rid of one stray and taking in another. Do I ever.
Faire was awesome. The weather was perfect and I had 4 of my favorite people come with me for a fabulous girls day of drunkenness and debauchery. Way too fun. I also got a bit drunk, but apparently I was a happy drunk. :D
One of my new traditions is to get a tarot reading by my friend R every year after my birthday and do a bit of a check-in for the year. There was lots of good stuff and some stuff to learn in there, but the most interesting was the concept of "Saturn Return" and the fact that I had missed mine. R explained it as a sort of "diploma" of what you've learned in that part of your life. For the lazy, here's the Wiki Entry.
Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson on something the first time around. Go figure.
Another part of my tarot was the fact I haven't been journaling lately and that I really ought to do so. So here I am trying to work on that particular part. Besides, I miss it sometimes. The reason I was so happy to start journalling in the first place was because I could go back later and read old entries. Hopefully, in an attempt to see where I've been, what I've done, and what I've learned. Learning stuff is good.
S snuck 3 bottles of wine in as my present. She asked me what I'd want to drink and I told her wine, cheap, white and plentiful. She delivered. ;)
She picked wine with awesome names too. One was Mad Housewife, Royal Bitch and hmm.. I can't remember the last one. Probably because I drank it already. ;)
After an absolutely amazing day hanging with my girls, we headed out to my favorite sushi bar on the planet (OK, so I've never been to Japan, but still! so good!) with my girls and a couple other friends who wanted to treat me to my favorite meal. I was all filled up on raw fishies and good times and headed home to snuggle up with kitties.
On the relationship front, Daddy and I have continued to be insanely busy the past few months. It's been rough but we finally got time today to have some sexeh time. It was much needed by both of us frankly. I'm managed to keep plenty busy, but I still miss him even then. At least I'm not pining. That's progress, right?
T, the stray puppy I took in, has moved on to another home. No, she's not actually a puppy, just as messy, excited, annoying, attention seeking and destructive as one. She's also gifted at telling me I'm doing it wrong. Fortunately, I think she's with a person she can get along with well and I really hope it works out for her. I have my key back.
So there's been a stray cat at the shop for the past week. She got into the basement somehow and won't leave. Anyways, I finally caught her today, which the new scars on my arms will attest to. She's very sweet, but filthy and possibly diseased. I was planning to take her to a shelter, but because of all the folks losing their jobs and homes, the shelters are too full to take her. I could pay $25 and have her killed at the humane society, which they would do as she's unadoptable in this state, but I couldn't just let it go. So I called my ex, L, who I've managed to turn into the crazy cat man over the years we were together. I told him about her and asked him if he could help with her vet bills so I could try to give her a home. I live on a super tight budget and spaying and vetting a new kitty is just not on it, sadly.
On that note, if a new kitty (or doggy) IS on yours, please please please go adopt one? And for the love of christ (or your diety/grandmother of choice) get all your pets spayed/neutered. While I'm on the soap box, treat your animals with love, respect and care. New kitty has obviously been abused by someone. She was someone's pet and they threw her away. Now she's feral and almost died. She was drinking nasty water in the basement before we started giving her food and water. It breaks my heart.
So now I have a new kitty, at least for now. I'm not sure if I will be able to just foster her and hope for someone to want to own her or not, or if I will have to keep her. She'll let me pet her a bit, so she's not completely wild, but she's very shy, nervous and hopeful all in one. Now I need to come up with a name. Suggestions are welcome.
At this moment, kitty is snuggled up in her new room, food, shelter, fresh water, a litter box (god I hope she uses it!) and a VERY full tummy. Happily she loves the premium cat food I bought that Mo and Simple sneer at.
Speaking of rooms, the room was so nasty after T left that I had to clean it before I'd let the cat live in there. You know, the stray cat that's filthy herself? Yeah. Gross. There was food all over the floor. Chips, ramen noodles, dog food, cereal. And I'm not talking about a few crumbs. I'm talking about having to use a broom on the carpet before I could use a vacuum because it would get clogged otherwise.
So I don't have good thoughts about "roommates" right now, especially those who aren't actual roommates who pay their own way, but those who are virtually homeless who take advantage of my hospitality and then are totally ungrateful and leave me a mess to clean up. I need to learn to be less sympathetic apparently. *sigh*
And yes, I'm aware of the irony of getting rid of one stray and taking in another. Do I ever.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Camping and IBS
Oh, don't be afraid. IBS stands for Irritating Boi Syndrome and refers to T. X, T and I went camping this past weekend with a large group of kinky folks, most of whom we didn't know.
We were all excited about making new friends and perhaps playing a bit if the mood was right. I had a good time because that's how I roll, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way.
Starting off, I had gotten off work early at 2 pm and was hoping to be all packed up and ready to leave the apartment at 4 or 5 at the very latest. We had an hour drive, then an hour for settling our stuff in, and then relaxing with cold beer by a hot campfire by 8pm was my vision of bliss for the evening.
Well flush that down the tubes, cuz that shit didn't happen at all. I left T home to try to organize some stuff and she hurt her back cleaning out her car, so by the time I got home, there was plenty left to be done - mostly by me - while she whined and complained and criticized my every move. I almost flat out said to forget it, except that X was waiting for us and it wasn't fair to just bail on her.
We also had to go shopping for an air mattress. We found lots of them, but not the one that I actually wanted, which was the Coleman 4 in 1. So I opted out of air mattresses. I don't have money to toss away on an air mattress with limited uses.
Anywho, when all was said and done, I was showered, but sweaty, and we were all bundled in the car no later than 8 pm. Yup, just about the time I was planning on relaxing with a nice cold beer.
So then it rained. Hard. For most of the drive to the campsite. Upon arrival, the tent and contents were pretty wet. I tried to get a bed set up for us and stash our stuff, but truly, we had too much shit for the tent size. I can't wait til X has all her camping gear out of storage. Tiny tents with 3 people and over packing is ridiculous.
After that, it was social time and hanging with new people. There were lots of cool folks to meet and chill with. T was unfortunately in a very clingy and annoying space in her brain. Or perhaps I was just bitchy. Who knows, but the entire weekend I fluctuated pretty heavily between enjoying her company and being highly irritated. Not exactly how I expected to feel at all.
It's been like that pretty much since the campout. I didn't play at all the entire weekend. I just didn't feel like it. Feeling like a crabby old bitch isn't really conducive to playing. In addition, T got drunk on Saturday and then was hanging on me like the clingiest girlfriend on the planet. She kept trying to drag me back to the tent and was, frankly, a fucking buzz kill. I regretted bringing her along. I was not relaxing whatsoever, just being tense and grumpy most of the time. I'm still frustrated about it.
And here's the thing. I know she likes me and I do like her. I don't think she's deliberately trying to piss me off. But I feel like the only peace I get is when I isolate away from her. Like most people, my home is my sanctuary away from daily stresses and it's not like that for me anymore.
It is not that she's a bad person or that I want her out. I'm currently on the rag and that's always a bad time for me. In addition, T's presence appears to have triggered my period (or at least spotting) early, and I've been bleeding since Monday of last week. By this point, I'm probably iron deficient and I *know* I'm intensely hormonal.
Can I whine some more? Why not right? It's my blog and I can whine if I want to. I prefer to think I'm just venting, and I certainly need to or my head will falled off.
On a positive note, I made a number of lovely new friends and contacts at the camp out. I actually enjoyed the camping bit this time around, and even used the camp showers and everything. I think some ants were eating me while I slept, because I have some bites on my ankles, but all in all, it was great.
I also saw a couple of fun scenes and play. I don't think I'm much of a voyeur though. It's interesting, but I just don't find it exciting or arousing. Meh. Maybe I'm just jaded and bitchy. Yeah. That seems most likely.
We were all excited about making new friends and perhaps playing a bit if the mood was right. I had a good time because that's how I roll, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way.
Starting off, I had gotten off work early at 2 pm and was hoping to be all packed up and ready to leave the apartment at 4 or 5 at the very latest. We had an hour drive, then an hour for settling our stuff in, and then relaxing with cold beer by a hot campfire by 8pm was my vision of bliss for the evening.
Well flush that down the tubes, cuz that shit didn't happen at all. I left T home to try to organize some stuff and she hurt her back cleaning out her car, so by the time I got home, there was plenty left to be done - mostly by me - while she whined and complained and criticized my every move. I almost flat out said to forget it, except that X was waiting for us and it wasn't fair to just bail on her.
We also had to go shopping for an air mattress. We found lots of them, but not the one that I actually wanted, which was the Coleman 4 in 1. So I opted out of air mattresses. I don't have money to toss away on an air mattress with limited uses.
Anywho, when all was said and done, I was showered, but sweaty, and we were all bundled in the car no later than 8 pm. Yup, just about the time I was planning on relaxing with a nice cold beer.
So then it rained. Hard. For most of the drive to the campsite. Upon arrival, the tent and contents were pretty wet. I tried to get a bed set up for us and stash our stuff, but truly, we had too much shit for the tent size. I can't wait til X has all her camping gear out of storage. Tiny tents with 3 people and over packing is ridiculous.
After that, it was social time and hanging with new people. There were lots of cool folks to meet and chill with. T was unfortunately in a very clingy and annoying space in her brain. Or perhaps I was just bitchy. Who knows, but the entire weekend I fluctuated pretty heavily between enjoying her company and being highly irritated. Not exactly how I expected to feel at all.
It's been like that pretty much since the campout. I didn't play at all the entire weekend. I just didn't feel like it. Feeling like a crabby old bitch isn't really conducive to playing. In addition, T got drunk on Saturday and then was hanging on me like the clingiest girlfriend on the planet. She kept trying to drag me back to the tent and was, frankly, a fucking buzz kill. I regretted bringing her along. I was not relaxing whatsoever, just being tense and grumpy most of the time. I'm still frustrated about it.
And here's the thing. I know she likes me and I do like her. I don't think she's deliberately trying to piss me off. But I feel like the only peace I get is when I isolate away from her. Like most people, my home is my sanctuary away from daily stresses and it's not like that for me anymore.
It is not that she's a bad person or that I want her out. I'm currently on the rag and that's always a bad time for me. In addition, T's presence appears to have triggered my period (or at least spotting) early, and I've been bleeding since Monday of last week. By this point, I'm probably iron deficient and I *know* I'm intensely hormonal.
Can I whine some more? Why not right? It's my blog and I can whine if I want to. I prefer to think I'm just venting, and I certainly need to or my head will falled off.
On a positive note, I made a number of lovely new friends and contacts at the camp out. I actually enjoyed the camping bit this time around, and even used the camp showers and everything. I think some ants were eating me while I slept, because I have some bites on my ankles, but all in all, it was great.
I also saw a couple of fun scenes and play. I don't think I'm much of a voyeur though. It's interesting, but I just don't find it exciting or arousing. Meh. Maybe I'm just jaded and bitchy. Yeah. That seems most likely.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Taking in Strays
It's been quite some time since I wrote in my journal. Seems like just yesterday when I was writing in it everyday religiously. I've been thinking the last few weeks that I needed to get on it and write something, but haven't up till now. I want to try to write at least a bit everyday, but we'll see what happens. :)
I've been inordinately busy this season. Work has been grueling and has kept me from home and in the shop more often than not. I'm anticipating a move sometime in the next few months hopefully. There's a great spot nearby with workshop/retail space up front and a large studio apartment in the back. The apartment needs some work, like a larger sink in the kitchen, more cupboards, a washer/dryer hookup and then the bathroom needs a tub. But, the space is very cool. :)
It's mostly a matter of money and negotiation with the landlord at this point. Calculations wise it should be a bit cheaper to live and heat/electrocize the place, plus I'll be on the ground floor, have my own driveway, and possibly space to put in an urban garden and composter. That's pretty exciting. :)
Anyways, in addition to that, I attended my first munch in god knows how many years (probably 7 or so) with my friend X. We had a great time and met a bunch of fun folks. I was sitting next to a rather troubled lady on my left who was not having a happy night of it. She kind of reminded me of the drama at these things that I try to avoid. At any rate, I didn't let her get me down. X was lots of fun and there was a great many opportunities for laughter.
I met a cute boi (T) there as well who I was hoping to get to talk to more, but she was sitting too far away. That's one thing I don't like at all about these restaurant munches. It's nice to be able to sit and eat and all, but it's harder to socialize with people who aren't immediately around you. Since folks tend to sit with those they know well, it's unlikely they'll be able to make new friends. T and I exchanged numbers and she indicated an interest in coming up to visit my shop and that's how it was left.
T ended up making an appointment, then emailing to cancel it. She was living with the unhappy lady who was sitting beside me at the munch, and 2 other people and had been told to leave. After some consultation with D, I invited her to come and stay with me for a week while she tried to get things sorted and find a spot to live. I believe that was August 11, and she's been living here since.
We've formed a rather close bond which D knows about and has been encouraging of. I'd like to see T built a stable environment for herself first, and then continue her search for a permanent service placement, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. She's very impulsive and really wants to find a permanent place with a Domme.
I wish I could provide that for her, but I don't think it's in me. I like to play with and top her, but ownership is just not in my purview. I also can't afford a dependent. If she wants to stay, she has to at least cover any additional expenses caused by her living here, plus help around the place.
Admittedly, I'm enjoying having her here. She's very sweet and has made me appreciate cuddling a lot more. In fact, I've not been on my computer nearly as often because we are hanging out so much together.
Last weekend, X came over on Saturday to go to a local festival and then have a sleepover. We ended up co-topping T much of the afternoon, night and then the next day. X's style of play suits mine very well, which leans more towards the gleefully sadistic side. There's not oodles of barking order and such, just lots of laughter and poking with sticks. It was good fun. Poor T was reduced to tears on more than one occasion.
She and I had a bit of a debrief the next day and I found out that she hadn't really explored that side before, and was more into sensual domination. She's also been struggling with bratting, which I can relate to. It's been a long time since I've done it, but I think the turning point for me was learning that I can ask for what I want, instead of trying to instigate bad attention all the time. Having someone who is open to real communication, even if the news is bad, is extremely helpful for this. Being respectful and thoughtful helps a bunch too admittedly.
At any rate, I'm hoping to explore my own toppy side more with T this coming weekend. X, T and myself are all headed out for some camping with other kinksters. Since we know practically nobody, it should be very interesting. I'm hoping to make lots of friends in the area, and it would be nice to find a home for T as well. I'm totally torn. I'd love her to stay because I'm enjoying her company a great deal, but I really just hope she stays in the area so we can continue to be friends.
D has also been super busy the past month or so. Lots of family obligations and extremely busy at work. I've been grateful that I've had so much social time so I don't mope so much. It's been really hard still though, because I feel like we don't have the time just to talk about what's been going on day to day. A lot of routines have been put aside because of necessity and not having the time for it and then the presence of T in the home. He and I discussed it though, and will be working to re-institute those again.
I tend to get kind of antsy when I don't have lots of direction from him. It makes me feel adrift and sad. I mean yes, I can function just fine without him telling me what to do, but that is one of many things that bind us together and when it's gone, I miss it a lot. We haven't had much time for him to use me either, and the times that have been available have ended up being missed opportunities. Either because of my health, or his, or interruptions, or whatever. It'll be nice to get some of that back soon.
I've been inordinately busy this season. Work has been grueling and has kept me from home and in the shop more often than not. I'm anticipating a move sometime in the next few months hopefully. There's a great spot nearby with workshop/retail space up front and a large studio apartment in the back. The apartment needs some work, like a larger sink in the kitchen, more cupboards, a washer/dryer hookup and then the bathroom needs a tub. But, the space is very cool. :)
It's mostly a matter of money and negotiation with the landlord at this point. Calculations wise it should be a bit cheaper to live and heat/electrocize the place, plus I'll be on the ground floor, have my own driveway, and possibly space to put in an urban garden and composter. That's pretty exciting. :)
Anyways, in addition to that, I attended my first munch in god knows how many years (probably 7 or so) with my friend X. We had a great time and met a bunch of fun folks. I was sitting next to a rather troubled lady on my left who was not having a happy night of it. She kind of reminded me of the drama at these things that I try to avoid. At any rate, I didn't let her get me down. X was lots of fun and there was a great many opportunities for laughter.
I met a cute boi (T) there as well who I was hoping to get to talk to more, but she was sitting too far away. That's one thing I don't like at all about these restaurant munches. It's nice to be able to sit and eat and all, but it's harder to socialize with people who aren't immediately around you. Since folks tend to sit with those they know well, it's unlikely they'll be able to make new friends. T and I exchanged numbers and she indicated an interest in coming up to visit my shop and that's how it was left.
T ended up making an appointment, then emailing to cancel it. She was living with the unhappy lady who was sitting beside me at the munch, and 2 other people and had been told to leave. After some consultation with D, I invited her to come and stay with me for a week while she tried to get things sorted and find a spot to live. I believe that was August 11, and she's been living here since.
We've formed a rather close bond which D knows about and has been encouraging of. I'd like to see T built a stable environment for herself first, and then continue her search for a permanent service placement, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. She's very impulsive and really wants to find a permanent place with a Domme.
I wish I could provide that for her, but I don't think it's in me. I like to play with and top her, but ownership is just not in my purview. I also can't afford a dependent. If she wants to stay, she has to at least cover any additional expenses caused by her living here, plus help around the place.
Admittedly, I'm enjoying having her here. She's very sweet and has made me appreciate cuddling a lot more. In fact, I've not been on my computer nearly as often because we are hanging out so much together.
Last weekend, X came over on Saturday to go to a local festival and then have a sleepover. We ended up co-topping T much of the afternoon, night and then the next day. X's style of play suits mine very well, which leans more towards the gleefully sadistic side. There's not oodles of barking order and such, just lots of laughter and poking with sticks. It was good fun. Poor T was reduced to tears on more than one occasion.
She and I had a bit of a debrief the next day and I found out that she hadn't really explored that side before, and was more into sensual domination. She's also been struggling with bratting, which I can relate to. It's been a long time since I've done it, but I think the turning point for me was learning that I can ask for what I want, instead of trying to instigate bad attention all the time. Having someone who is open to real communication, even if the news is bad, is extremely helpful for this. Being respectful and thoughtful helps a bunch too admittedly.
At any rate, I'm hoping to explore my own toppy side more with T this coming weekend. X, T and myself are all headed out for some camping with other kinksters. Since we know practically nobody, it should be very interesting. I'm hoping to make lots of friends in the area, and it would be nice to find a home for T as well. I'm totally torn. I'd love her to stay because I'm enjoying her company a great deal, but I really just hope she stays in the area so we can continue to be friends.
D has also been super busy the past month or so. Lots of family obligations and extremely busy at work. I've been grateful that I've had so much social time so I don't mope so much. It's been really hard still though, because I feel like we don't have the time just to talk about what's been going on day to day. A lot of routines have been put aside because of necessity and not having the time for it and then the presence of T in the home. He and I discussed it though, and will be working to re-institute those again.
I tend to get kind of antsy when I don't have lots of direction from him. It makes me feel adrift and sad. I mean yes, I can function just fine without him telling me what to do, but that is one of many things that bind us together and when it's gone, I miss it a lot. We haven't had much time for him to use me either, and the times that have been available have ended up being missed opportunities. Either because of my health, or his, or interruptions, or whatever. It'll be nice to get some of that back soon.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Smoking
I have been in the process of smoking cessation for over 18 months now. I've had a few people email me to ask about the "plan" I used, so I decided to copy my response to a blog entry in the hopes that it will help others too. I am now down to about 3 or 4 cigarettes a week and sometimes as little as 3-4 / month, depending on the month. My doctor does not consider my smoking to be at a level where it can affect my health, which is just one of the reasons I'm doing it.
So here's the email:
I think we all have those days where we just say "fuck it". I don't think there's anything wrong with it, except when it becomes our constant state of being. I don't have any easy or quick "cures" to smoking, but I'll relate to you what I have done and hope that it helps you too.
The biggest thing for me is that absolutes just make me want to rebel, and once I do, it makes me feel like I failed. Most people say you have to just "quit cold turkey" and never ever have another cigarette again. It's like that would be a magic smoke that would cause us to start back to smoking a pack a day and now have failed completely.
So I eliminated that from my plan. There is no absolutes and no failure. There is no "I quit smoking" there will always be "I'm quitting smoking". For me the difference was subtle, but necessary for my particular psychology.
A bit of background on me. I started smoking at 14 and at this point have smoked more years than I haven't. There's been a few years in between when I had quit "cold turkey" but it always seemed like in those moments of extreme stress, or because my friends/bf/co-workers were smoking, I ended up starting back on it. This happened at various times actually. I'd stop for a while, even a year or two at a time, but then back I'd go, and getting back up to a pack a day was easier and easier.
I realized that for me, as a woman on birth control, I had to stop smoking soon because I was nearing the age where they would refuse to prescribe it because I smoked. I have been told that over the years by doctors. In addition, the nasty taste I woke up to each morning became less and less tolerable, and of course the environment here in the US is not very tolerant of smokers. Visits to non-smoking homes made me realize how gross my own dwelling smelled. On top of all of that, my Daddy didn't want me to smoke either. So we worked up a plan together.
I have certain "rules" about smoking and follow them. This is not BDSM rules, but more of a code of behavior to help quit. I have done the cold turkey route before as I said, and it worked for a while at least, but I always ended up starting up again. Now, since I don't intend to ever fully quit, there's nothing to start up. I don't ever fail because the rules are in place and I just follow them.
The "rules" are flexible because there are no absolutes in this. They are guidelines that can help me, but life will often upset even the best laid plans.
1. Set a limit.
Basically, I can have 1 cigarette a day. That was how I weaned myself off. When I got those inevitable cravings, I could usually stem them off by reassuring myself that I could have a cigarette tomorrow. Or, I would have my one cigarette for the day and satisfy the cravings.
2. Home environment.
I no longer smoke in my home at all. However, I've even made exceptions to that once in a while when I have a smoker friend over and we end up smoking socially.
2. Purchasing.
I don't buy cigarettes. I've broken this one before while going on vacation last year, but for over a year now this has held true. I didn't beat myself up over it, I just tried to stick to "one a day" until they were gone and then didn't buy more.
3. Friends & Social Smoking.
If I don't buy them, obviously I get them somewhere. I'm allowed to bum them off people, but my own politeness generally keeps me from doing this often. Now when I smoke, it's usually with my business partner and is mostly a social thing so we can connect and touch base and keep communication open.
The key for me, I think, is the lack of absolutes. I don't ever fail at it. I just take it one day at a time. Usually now I don't even have cravings, but on the occasions I do, I am allowed to have one. And even when I'm in the highly triggering situations like being around lots of smokers and drinking, I make a plan before the situation arises and allow myself a certain amount for the weekend/night. Generally, Daddy helps me set the boundaries, but there's no punishment if I go over. I just try very hard not to.
At this point, the day to day stuff isn't hard. The occasional party is more challenging, but generally the after effects of having too many cigarettes the night before helps quell the urge to smoke again for a while. I suppose for me, I'm just unlearning to smoke like I learned to smoke. Gradually and organically. I mean, I definitely did not start off smoking a pack a day. I started off sneaking one or two with friends at school and it was definitely a social activity. I just put it back into that category of occasional social activity like drinking.
This is long and rambling but I hope it helps. :)
So here's the email:
I think we all have those days where we just say "fuck it". I don't think there's anything wrong with it, except when it becomes our constant state of being. I don't have any easy or quick "cures" to smoking, but I'll relate to you what I have done and hope that it helps you too.
The biggest thing for me is that absolutes just make me want to rebel, and once I do, it makes me feel like I failed. Most people say you have to just "quit cold turkey" and never ever have another cigarette again. It's like that would be a magic smoke that would cause us to start back to smoking a pack a day and now have failed completely.
So I eliminated that from my plan. There is no absolutes and no failure. There is no "I quit smoking" there will always be "I'm quitting smoking". For me the difference was subtle, but necessary for my particular psychology.
A bit of background on me. I started smoking at 14 and at this point have smoked more years than I haven't. There's been a few years in between when I had quit "cold turkey" but it always seemed like in those moments of extreme stress, or because my friends/bf/co-workers were smoking, I ended up starting back on it. This happened at various times actually. I'd stop for a while, even a year or two at a time, but then back I'd go, and getting back up to a pack a day was easier and easier.
I realized that for me, as a woman on birth control, I had to stop smoking soon because I was nearing the age where they would refuse to prescribe it because I smoked. I have been told that over the years by doctors. In addition, the nasty taste I woke up to each morning became less and less tolerable, and of course the environment here in the US is not very tolerant of smokers. Visits to non-smoking homes made me realize how gross my own dwelling smelled. On top of all of that, my Daddy didn't want me to smoke either. So we worked up a plan together.
I have certain "rules" about smoking and follow them. This is not BDSM rules, but more of a code of behavior to help quit. I have done the cold turkey route before as I said, and it worked for a while at least, but I always ended up starting up again. Now, since I don't intend to ever fully quit, there's nothing to start up. I don't ever fail because the rules are in place and I just follow them.
The "rules" are flexible because there are no absolutes in this. They are guidelines that can help me, but life will often upset even the best laid plans.
1. Set a limit.
Basically, I can have 1 cigarette a day. That was how I weaned myself off. When I got those inevitable cravings, I could usually stem them off by reassuring myself that I could have a cigarette tomorrow. Or, I would have my one cigarette for the day and satisfy the cravings.
2. Home environment.
I no longer smoke in my home at all. However, I've even made exceptions to that once in a while when I have a smoker friend over and we end up smoking socially.
2. Purchasing.
I don't buy cigarettes. I've broken this one before while going on vacation last year, but for over a year now this has held true. I didn't beat myself up over it, I just tried to stick to "one a day" until they were gone and then didn't buy more.
3. Friends & Social Smoking.
If I don't buy them, obviously I get them somewhere. I'm allowed to bum them off people, but my own politeness generally keeps me from doing this often. Now when I smoke, it's usually with my business partner and is mostly a social thing so we can connect and touch base and keep communication open.
The key for me, I think, is the lack of absolutes. I don't ever fail at it. I just take it one day at a time. Usually now I don't even have cravings, but on the occasions I do, I am allowed to have one. And even when I'm in the highly triggering situations like being around lots of smokers and drinking, I make a plan before the situation arises and allow myself a certain amount for the weekend/night. Generally, Daddy helps me set the boundaries, but there's no punishment if I go over. I just try very hard not to.
At this point, the day to day stuff isn't hard. The occasional party is more challenging, but generally the after effects of having too many cigarettes the night before helps quell the urge to smoke again for a while. I suppose for me, I'm just unlearning to smoke like I learned to smoke. Gradually and organically. I mean, I definitely did not start off smoking a pack a day. I started off sneaking one or two with friends at school and it was definitely a social activity. I just put it back into that category of occasional social activity like drinking.
This is long and rambling but I hope it helps. :)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thoughts on the Sub/Slave question
Another fetlife post, but one I wanted to keep since it comes up so often.
I always find the sub/slave discussions rather puzzling myself but there are always the same sorts of viewpoints brought up.
Some people appear to believe that submissives have a certain type of personality in day to day life as well as in their relationship and if you don't have those qualities, you are not a submissive and in fact may be dominant.
L summed up some of these traits when she said, "I am not passive, docile, a people pleaser or humble in any type of way."
I dispute the validity of thinking that those traits are required to be a submissive. In fact, I think only one trait is important, that you submit. Whether forced, coerced, manipulated, or a willing and eager participant, that's all that's really required.
There is no rule about who you submit to, how it happens, where it occurs, why it happens, when, for how long, etc.
For me, and others, I think this is where the confusion comes in because we do see slaves submitting to the rule of their owner, regardless of whether they are happy about it or being forced to do it, they do, in fact, do it.
But, you know, everyone is allowed to self identify, so I just smile and nod if someone claims to be a slave but not "submissive" because they obviously see being submissive as some personality style that they don't identify with.
In fact, if I agreed that being passive, docile, a people pleaser or humble was integral to being "submissive", I would certainly not claim it either, though I can certainly be that way at times, it's generally centered around the person who owns me (or who I have chosen to submit to) and they happen to bring out those traits in me.
In addition, some believe that a dominant personality type consists of bitchiness, rudeness, being blunt, coarse, bossy, pushy, smart-assed, arrogant, stubborn, etc. I disagree again. For me, a dominant personality has to do with personal charisma and charm. The ability to draw attention by presence and not gimmicks or posturing.
I am dominant at my job because I happen to be the owner of the business. I must be in a position of authority, set the tone, rules, structure of the workplace and see to the needs of my employees, with the goal being to wring every last bit of effort and effectiveness out of them while allowing them to function and hopefully be content and satisfied with their work. Wanting them to be happy isn't a sign of my benevolence, it's simply the most efficient way to keep them from stealing, backstabbing, sabotaging, passive aggressive behaviors and quitting.
Dominants have a wide variety of personalities, just as submissives do. Some choose to go with the "asshole dom" persona, others choose more tact and politeness. Is one not really a dom? I don't know. I know that some appeal to me more than others, but those same people I don't care for are just right for someone else.
As for slaves having to be submissive. Well I don't think they are required to have a stereotypical submissive personality as described above, but they are certainly required to submit to their owner. If he is the leader, then they must be the follower I suppose.
I'm not sure how one knows if they are suited for slavery or not. For me it was simply instinctual. I was drawn more and more to absolute authority dynamics. But, the fact is, that compatibility is key. How L sees her slavery is different from how I would see it, or how you might see yours.
I don't consider it to be "All about the owner" and neither does my owner. We look at it as a way we can both be fulfilled and happiness for all involved is what we strive for.
That doesn't mean one of us is right and one is wrong, just that we all find fulfillment in our different ways and finding the person (or people) who are right for us is what makes it work.
It can be quite difficult to move forward after losing an owner. I had a rough transition period after my split with my first owner, but he actually helped me quite a lot in adjusting fortunately. Many are not so lucky because their owner dies suddenly. When you foster the sort of dependence that these relationships do, I think you do need to take into account the risk that entails.
I always find the sub/slave discussions rather puzzling myself but there are always the same sorts of viewpoints brought up.
Some people appear to believe that submissives have a certain type of personality in day to day life as well as in their relationship and if you don't have those qualities, you are not a submissive and in fact may be dominant.
L summed up some of these traits when she said, "I am not passive, docile, a people pleaser or humble in any type of way."
I dispute the validity of thinking that those traits are required to be a submissive. In fact, I think only one trait is important, that you submit. Whether forced, coerced, manipulated, or a willing and eager participant, that's all that's really required.
There is no rule about who you submit to, how it happens, where it occurs, why it happens, when, for how long, etc.
For me, and others, I think this is where the confusion comes in because we do see slaves submitting to the rule of their owner, regardless of whether they are happy about it or being forced to do it, they do, in fact, do it.
But, you know, everyone is allowed to self identify, so I just smile and nod if someone claims to be a slave but not "submissive" because they obviously see being submissive as some personality style that they don't identify with.
In fact, if I agreed that being passive, docile, a people pleaser or humble was integral to being "submissive", I would certainly not claim it either, though I can certainly be that way at times, it's generally centered around the person who owns me (or who I have chosen to submit to) and they happen to bring out those traits in me.
In addition, some believe that a dominant personality type consists of bitchiness, rudeness, being blunt, coarse, bossy, pushy, smart-assed, arrogant, stubborn, etc. I disagree again. For me, a dominant personality has to do with personal charisma and charm. The ability to draw attention by presence and not gimmicks or posturing.
I am dominant at my job because I happen to be the owner of the business. I must be in a position of authority, set the tone, rules, structure of the workplace and see to the needs of my employees, with the goal being to wring every last bit of effort and effectiveness out of them while allowing them to function and hopefully be content and satisfied with their work. Wanting them to be happy isn't a sign of my benevolence, it's simply the most efficient way to keep them from stealing, backstabbing, sabotaging, passive aggressive behaviors and quitting.
Dominants have a wide variety of personalities, just as submissives do. Some choose to go with the "asshole dom" persona, others choose more tact and politeness. Is one not really a dom? I don't know. I know that some appeal to me more than others, but those same people I don't care for are just right for someone else.
As for slaves having to be submissive. Well I don't think they are required to have a stereotypical submissive personality as described above, but they are certainly required to submit to their owner. If he is the leader, then they must be the follower I suppose.
I'm not sure how one knows if they are suited for slavery or not. For me it was simply instinctual. I was drawn more and more to absolute authority dynamics. But, the fact is, that compatibility is key. How L sees her slavery is different from how I would see it, or how you might see yours.
I don't consider it to be "All about the owner" and neither does my owner. We look at it as a way we can both be fulfilled and happiness for all involved is what we strive for.
That doesn't mean one of us is right and one is wrong, just that we all find fulfillment in our different ways and finding the person (or people) who are right for us is what makes it work.
It can be quite difficult to move forward after losing an owner. I had a rough transition period after my split with my first owner, but he actually helped me quite a lot in adjusting fortunately. Many are not so lucky because their owner dies suddenly. When you foster the sort of dependence that these relationships do, I think you do need to take into account the risk that entails.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Social Hour
Gah! I was halfway through a post and totally lost the whole thing when firefox crashed. So annoying!
Anyways, I went out for Indian food today with a lovely new friend I met on OK cupid. She just moved here with her quad from Cali and we had a great conversation about a full range of topics. It was one of those nice, flowing, non-awkward get togethers that just works. We've only emailed a couple times so we are virtually strangers with tons of undiscovered information to share. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her more.
And she's kinky.
Subtly dropped into the conversation as she talked about the local munch she'd be attending that evening and about her part time slave back in Cali. We didn't get into details but I had suspected she was. I'm telling you, I only ever meet poly/kinky people on OKCupid. I really like their setup over there.
At some point I might go to a munch with her and her family. It's been a while for me and would be nice to hang with kinky folks again in a real time setting. I always have concern about the drama element, but I suppose it's present everywhere and one just has to deal with it. I know Daddy would like me to get out in the community more and try to find someone to scratch the itch locally, and so would I to a certain extent. On the other hand, I've had so many crappy, emotionally/mentally devoid play partners, or have just been uninterested in the kinky guys I've met locally.
At one time I was even quite social and dating frequently. I met lots of guys on various personals or websites and a few ended up in my bed or pissing on me or doing other dirty things, but on the whole they just have been lacking. It makes me feel rather meh about the whole situation, though I know that there's other people out there who I'd be more compatible with.
I'm just really really OVER the emotionless, NSA sexual get togethers. I understand the appeal. I've enjoyed them in the past. But I don't like to have to compartmentalize myself, especially not with people I'm fucking. I'm totally ok with having friends that I fuck. In fact, that's what I want. I generally have strong feelings and love towards my friends with no ill repercussions, so why do I have to strip it out of my sexual relations? I don't need a romantic relationship with them, but I also don't want to have to be so guarded and aloof. I can do that just fine thanks. ;)
Anyways, we'll see what will happen. I would certainly prefer if Daddy would just be able to come over and fuck me, but he's far away and his cock just isn't that long. I'd be scared if it were, come to think of it.
--------
Despite having a good day and week all in all, I haven't been feeling very well. My tummy's been hella grumpy again. I probably ate something that pissed it off. I'll have to look at my food journal and try to figure out what it was. So irritating.
I went into Planned Parenthood this past Wednesday for my yearly and to get some STI tests done. Now my arm looks like someone hit me with a hammer. I got blood tests, and despite warning the phlebotomist that I have tiny squirrelly veins she managed to collapse it. At least the blood came out. It's been a while since I got blood work done and the needle really didn't hurt much at all.
So I'm thinking that trying out needles for play might be interesting. I've never had anyone into doing them before, but Daddy is for sure.
Well there was one guy that I went on ONE date with and he got drunk and was driving. That was the last time I saw him. He kept talking about this chick he tied up and stuck needles in her tits as he was polishing off his 4th beer in that hour. Yeah. Creepy.
I've actually been considering needle play for a couple years now. I figure I can always tap out if it's too much, but seriously, how bad is it? Anyone want to share? I've heard that the endorphin rush can be intense.
Anyways, I went out for Indian food today with a lovely new friend I met on OK cupid. She just moved here with her quad from Cali and we had a great conversation about a full range of topics. It was one of those nice, flowing, non-awkward get togethers that just works. We've only emailed a couple times so we are virtually strangers with tons of undiscovered information to share. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her more.
And she's kinky.
Subtly dropped into the conversation as she talked about the local munch she'd be attending that evening and about her part time slave back in Cali. We didn't get into details but I had suspected she was. I'm telling you, I only ever meet poly/kinky people on OKCupid. I really like their setup over there.
At some point I might go to a munch with her and her family. It's been a while for me and would be nice to hang with kinky folks again in a real time setting. I always have concern about the drama element, but I suppose it's present everywhere and one just has to deal with it. I know Daddy would like me to get out in the community more and try to find someone to scratch the itch locally, and so would I to a certain extent. On the other hand, I've had so many crappy, emotionally/mentally devoid play partners, or have just been uninterested in the kinky guys I've met locally.
At one time I was even quite social and dating frequently. I met lots of guys on various personals or websites and a few ended up in my bed or pissing on me or doing other dirty things, but on the whole they just have been lacking. It makes me feel rather meh about the whole situation, though I know that there's other people out there who I'd be more compatible with.
I'm just really really OVER the emotionless, NSA sexual get togethers. I understand the appeal. I've enjoyed them in the past. But I don't like to have to compartmentalize myself, especially not with people I'm fucking. I'm totally ok with having friends that I fuck. In fact, that's what I want. I generally have strong feelings and love towards my friends with no ill repercussions, so why do I have to strip it out of my sexual relations? I don't need a romantic relationship with them, but I also don't want to have to be so guarded and aloof. I can do that just fine thanks. ;)
Anyways, we'll see what will happen. I would certainly prefer if Daddy would just be able to come over and fuck me, but he's far away and his cock just isn't that long. I'd be scared if it were, come to think of it.
--------
Despite having a good day and week all in all, I haven't been feeling very well. My tummy's been hella grumpy again. I probably ate something that pissed it off. I'll have to look at my food journal and try to figure out what it was. So irritating.
I went into Planned Parenthood this past Wednesday for my yearly and to get some STI tests done. Now my arm looks like someone hit me with a hammer. I got blood tests, and despite warning the phlebotomist that I have tiny squirrelly veins she managed to collapse it. At least the blood came out. It's been a while since I got blood work done and the needle really didn't hurt much at all.
So I'm thinking that trying out needles for play might be interesting. I've never had anyone into doing them before, but Daddy is for sure.
Well there was one guy that I went on ONE date with and he got drunk and was driving. That was the last time I saw him. He kept talking about this chick he tied up and stuck needles in her tits as he was polishing off his 4th beer in that hour. Yeah. Creepy.
I've actually been considering needle play for a couple years now. I figure I can always tap out if it's too much, but seriously, how bad is it? Anyone want to share? I've heard that the endorphin rush can be intense.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Rudeness & Disobedience
More fetlife stuff.
Question was: How do I (as a submissive) stop being rude, argumentative and disobedient?
I think it's mostly a matter of practice, time and conscious effort.
Pause before you react or speak and process what he's saying and then respond in as thoughtful a manner as you can manage. Remember that he has feelings too and is also new. He's going to have to practice his dominance and the better the response he gets from you, the more likely he will to do it more.
It's a symbiotic thing.If you make his life miserable when he asks you for something simple, you will train him to ask for nothing. That might be a good reason to work on this behavior right there.
As Lucky Albatross has also advised before, think up 5 things that really pushes your buttons. Things that are simple, require little to no set up, and makes you feel all that submissive yummyness. Write it down and give it to him. It could be things he says, things he does, a particular gesture, whatever. Basically, a cheat sheet.
Many submissives want their dominants to "just do it" but they honestly cannot read your mind. There is nothing wrong with making requests. He can then choose what he will do with it and it might humble you a bit to feel the emotions surrounding that.Many D/s relationships have no punishment component whatsoever. You should talk to your dominant about what, if any, he would like to incorporate.
While it can feel yummy to have rules, the more rules there are, the more he will have to enforce them or you will just break them, so it's probably best to keep them to a minimum.
My Daddy's philosophy is that spanking is for good girls & fun. There is no reward of attention for crappy behavior on my part, so I definitely try to keep it to a minimum.
Communication & transparency are super important, but it can be difficult if you have trust issues (is he going to use it against me, is he going to laugh at me, will he accept me, etc) to open up. It puts you in a vulnerable position. That can be a valuable place to be in and it certainly can feel very submissive. So perhaps explore some of that. Tell him some of your worries or fears, some fantasies you are excited/scared by, and lots of positive feedback for him (it was so hot when you did or I love it when you do ).
Just some thoughts. I hope they are of assistance.
Question was: How do I (as a submissive) stop being rude, argumentative and disobedient?
I think it's mostly a matter of practice, time and conscious effort.
Pause before you react or speak and process what he's saying and then respond in as thoughtful a manner as you can manage. Remember that he has feelings too and is also new. He's going to have to practice his dominance and the better the response he gets from you, the more likely he will to do it more.
It's a symbiotic thing.If you make his life miserable when he asks you for something simple, you will train him to ask for nothing. That might be a good reason to work on this behavior right there.
As Lucky Albatross has also advised before, think up 5 things that really pushes your buttons. Things that are simple, require little to no set up, and makes you feel all that submissive yummyness. Write it down and give it to him. It could be things he says, things he does, a particular gesture, whatever. Basically, a cheat sheet.
Many submissives want their dominants to "just do it" but they honestly cannot read your mind. There is nothing wrong with making requests. He can then choose what he will do with it and it might humble you a bit to feel the emotions surrounding that.Many D/s relationships have no punishment component whatsoever. You should talk to your dominant about what, if any, he would like to incorporate.
While it can feel yummy to have rules, the more rules there are, the more he will have to enforce them or you will just break them, so it's probably best to keep them to a minimum.
My Daddy's philosophy is that spanking is for good girls & fun. There is no reward of attention for crappy behavior on my part, so I definitely try to keep it to a minimum.
Communication & transparency are super important, but it can be difficult if you have trust issues (is he going to use it against me, is he going to laugh at me, will he accept me, etc) to open up. It puts you in a vulnerable position. That can be a valuable place to be in and it certainly can feel very submissive. So perhaps explore some of that. Tell him some of your worries or fears, some fantasies you are excited/scared by, and lots of positive feedback for him (it was so hot when you did or I love it when you do ).
Just some thoughts. I hope they are of assistance.
One day on Fetlife
Sometimes it's better just to blog.
A reply I just didn't feel like posting to Arizonan's comments.
In this "lifestyle" we are all playing fast and loose with words anyways. Summing people up in one word that you can label them with would be convenient, but is pretty ineffective.
We take words and make them sorta kinda fit whatever it is that we like or dislike, or what our lives/dynamics are like. But the real "getting to know people" comes when you talk and find out what makes them tick.
No one here is legally property, but we can certainly identify as that in our dynamic. I think people started migrating towards the term because slave was such a loaded one. It carries a lot of perceptions and misconceptions and expectations and baggage that are irritating to those who do things their own way.
For another example, your girl and I could both consider ourselves wives and yet live very very different lives.
Does the difference in how we are wives mean that one of us isn't really a wife at all? Does it mean that "wife" doesn't mean anything at all? Newp.
I could say "I am so & so's wife." Does that really tell you anything about me whatsoever? I might not even be legally wed. I could be in a "common law" marriage. We could be polygamous. After a bit of conversation, you might be able to figure out what it all means to me, but not just from one word. It might take some time and effort. You might find that your expectations and perceptions about marriage are totally non-applicable. You might find that those expectations, baggage, perceptions and misconceptions need to be discarded in future conversations with people because they apply less and less to the people you meet.
I think it's much better to dismiss those types of things, than people and how they identify and how they live. So cling to your words if you must. I will adapt to my environment and the people who inhabit it.
English is a fabulous language but it is not a simple one. It's constantly evolving and changing. Dialects and colloquialisms & slang abounds. Do you drink soda, pop, fizzy drink or coke? Do you sit on the sofa, chesterfield, loveseat, couch, setee or divan? Check out the urban dictionary sometime and see what words/phrases are developing/getting new meanings every day.
The language we speak now would be almost unrecognizable for Shakespeare or Chaucer. Shakespeare himself was constantly making up new words or defining them differently.
A reply I just didn't feel like posting to Arizonan's comments.
In this "lifestyle" we are all playing fast and loose with words anyways. Summing people up in one word that you can label them with would be convenient, but is pretty ineffective.
We take words and make them sorta kinda fit whatever it is that we like or dislike, or what our lives/dynamics are like. But the real "getting to know people" comes when you talk and find out what makes them tick.
No one here is legally property, but we can certainly identify as that in our dynamic. I think people started migrating towards the term because slave was such a loaded one. It carries a lot of perceptions and misconceptions and expectations and baggage that are irritating to those who do things their own way.
For another example, your girl and I could both consider ourselves wives and yet live very very different lives.
Does the difference in how we are wives mean that one of us isn't really a wife at all? Does it mean that "wife" doesn't mean anything at all? Newp.
I could say "I am so & so's wife." Does that really tell you anything about me whatsoever? I might not even be legally wed. I could be in a "common law" marriage. We could be polygamous. After a bit of conversation, you might be able to figure out what it all means to me, but not just from one word. It might take some time and effort. You might find that your expectations and perceptions about marriage are totally non-applicable. You might find that those expectations, baggage, perceptions and misconceptions need to be discarded in future conversations with people because they apply less and less to the people you meet.
I think it's much better to dismiss those types of things, than people and how they identify and how they live. So cling to your words if you must. I will adapt to my environment and the people who inhabit it.
English is a fabulous language but it is not a simple one. It's constantly evolving and changing. Dialects and colloquialisms & slang abounds. Do you drink soda, pop, fizzy drink or coke? Do you sit on the sofa, chesterfield, loveseat, couch, setee or divan? Check out the urban dictionary sometime and see what words/phrases are developing/getting new meanings every day.
The language we speak now would be almost unrecognizable for Shakespeare or Chaucer. Shakespeare himself was constantly making up new words or defining them differently.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Nomz
Wow.. what a day! My pitas turned out awesome even though I substituted whole wheat flour. They've got perfect little pockets just all excited and ready to be stuffed! The gyro burgers were good too. The taste was pretty close to a restaurant gyro after it was coated in tzatziki which set up perfectly and was as yummy as could be.
Then there was the hummus, which is a multi-pepper, spice and fresh basil mix. Delish with the pita. Just a perfect day of cooking. Not one thing turned out horrible and my kitchen isn't even too bad.
And the pie, with splenda instead of sugar, was just marvelous. I couldn't taste the difference between it and a sugar pie. I really liked the tang of the apple cider vinegar in there too.
I'm pretty beat now though, and stuffed to the gills with Greek goodness. I didn't get laundry done, but I still might do it today, or save it for tomorrow, which will be a work at home day.
In addition to domesticity, I've also been playing my game, Ikariam, for the final weekend before I set myself on vacation. I've been getting attacked repeatedly in my little towns, which is fine, but it's making the game more high maintenance than I have time for right now. In addition, I've got a friend on the game who whines constantly when he gets attacked and guilts me into helping him. It's very annoying, so I'm hoping to get a break from that too. He's being a tag a long and is also putting his account on vacation when I do. Did I mention he's a 40 year old Marine? I mean, grow up already. And stop whining! It's a fucking game.
He's got me on yahoo too, and for a while I pondered hooking up with him with Daddy's approval. Then I saw his pic and got my shallow face on. And then he started bleating like a lost fucking lamb every two seconds and any sort of attraction is completely gone. Bah!
Anyways, I was hoping for a big battle this weekend to really have a lot of fun and all was quiet until this morning and then shit went down, and I seriously kicked some ass. Against two players with huge military forces. Just took down their navy too. They've been itching for a fight for a couple weeks now. Nice guys about it though.
I like being a friendly player. Making friends with the enemy and keeping the battles to contests instead of pissing matches. It does feel good to win though. A special present to me that is well deserved I think. One of them emailed me to congratulate me and said he hasn't been that excited on the game in quite some time. It will take him a while to recover from his brutal ass raping courtesy of moi. And I didn't use any lube neither.
Speaking of lube, I need to buy more. I'm almost out of the bottle of Wet I have and have permission to buy more. I'll need a water based lube replacement, but I'd like to try something new, and perhaps a silicone lube as well, though I won't be able to use that with my silicone toys of course. Any suggestions?
Then there was the hummus, which is a multi-pepper, spice and fresh basil mix. Delish with the pita. Just a perfect day of cooking. Not one thing turned out horrible and my kitchen isn't even too bad.
And the pie, with splenda instead of sugar, was just marvelous. I couldn't taste the difference between it and a sugar pie. I really liked the tang of the apple cider vinegar in there too.
I'm pretty beat now though, and stuffed to the gills with Greek goodness. I didn't get laundry done, but I still might do it today, or save it for tomorrow, which will be a work at home day.
In addition to domesticity, I've also been playing my game, Ikariam, for the final weekend before I set myself on vacation. I've been getting attacked repeatedly in my little towns, which is fine, but it's making the game more high maintenance than I have time for right now. In addition, I've got a friend on the game who whines constantly when he gets attacked and guilts me into helping him. It's very annoying, so I'm hoping to get a break from that too. He's being a tag a long and is also putting his account on vacation when I do. Did I mention he's a 40 year old Marine? I mean, grow up already. And stop whining! It's a fucking game.
He's got me on yahoo too, and for a while I pondered hooking up with him with Daddy's approval. Then I saw his pic and got my shallow face on. And then he started bleating like a lost fucking lamb every two seconds and any sort of attraction is completely gone. Bah!
Anyways, I was hoping for a big battle this weekend to really have a lot of fun and all was quiet until this morning and then shit went down, and I seriously kicked some ass. Against two players with huge military forces. Just took down their navy too. They've been itching for a fight for a couple weeks now. Nice guys about it though.
I like being a friendly player. Making friends with the enemy and keeping the battles to contests instead of pissing matches. It does feel good to win though. A special present to me that is well deserved I think. One of them emailed me to congratulate me and said he hasn't been that excited on the game in quite some time. It will take him a while to recover from his brutal ass raping courtesy of moi. And I didn't use any lube neither.
Speaking of lube, I need to buy more. I'm almost out of the bottle of Wet I have and have permission to buy more. I'll need a water based lube replacement, but I'd like to try something new, and perhaps a silicone lube as well, though I won't be able to use that with my silicone toys of course. Any suggestions?
Baking Day!
Ah yes, more domestics. You'd think that's all I do really, but it's a big part of most people's lives I think. Or *should* be probably.
Today, on the agenda is laundry, baking and cooking. I've got lots of apples right now from my CSA, and they are big, fat, green ones, so I'm going to make a pie. I've had a boxed pie crust in my fridge for a bit, so I think it's time to make use of it and the apples all in one shot. I found this apple pie recipe that I'm going to try. I'll be substituting splenda for sugar and hoping it turns out well. I like this one because it calls for tart apples, which I have, and also has some cider vinegar in it. I have a big bottle of some lovely organic apple cider vinegar that's been gathering dust in my pantry, so even though it's just a tablespoon, I get to use some of it, dammit!
Today is Greek day also, so I'll be making hummous, pita bread, spiced burger and tzatziki. Actually, the tzatziki should be done now. It's been marinating and merging in the fridge for the last day so it should be very tasty indeed. My cucumbers were super sweet and refreshing and not bitter at all, so I think it will be brilliant!
So off I go to bake and cook. I'll be cranking the AC downstairs today with the oven having to be on a lot. Wish me luck!
Today, on the agenda is laundry, baking and cooking. I've got lots of apples right now from my CSA, and they are big, fat, green ones, so I'm going to make a pie. I've had a boxed pie crust in my fridge for a bit, so I think it's time to make use of it and the apples all in one shot. I found this apple pie recipe that I'm going to try. I'll be substituting splenda for sugar and hoping it turns out well. I like this one because it calls for tart apples, which I have, and also has some cider vinegar in it. I have a big bottle of some lovely organic apple cider vinegar that's been gathering dust in my pantry, so even though it's just a tablespoon, I get to use some of it, dammit!
Today is Greek day also, so I'll be making hummous, pita bread, spiced burger and tzatziki. Actually, the tzatziki should be done now. It's been marinating and merging in the fridge for the last day so it should be very tasty indeed. My cucumbers were super sweet and refreshing and not bitter at all, so I think it will be brilliant!
So off I go to bake and cook. I'll be cranking the AC downstairs today with the oven having to be on a lot. Wish me luck!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Muffin Top is the Best Part!
The muffins are better than the last time. OMG yummy. The original recipe is here.
I made changes of course.
Super Duper Zucchini Muffins - Kitten Style
Ingredients:
2 1/4 cupsall-purpose flour Whole Wheat Flour - I used the generic Kroger's brand
1 cup white sugar 1/2 cup splenda brown sugar mix
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cupshortening butter
1/4 cup sour milk 1/2 cup sour cream
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 1/2 2 cups shredded or food processed zucchini &/or yellow squash
1 1.5 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup chopped walnuts I did add some chopped pecans, but I didn't have walnuts
1/4 cup brown sugar left off this step as it definitely wasn't needed!
Added:
4 teaspoon vital wheat gluten - You don't need this, but it makes the muffins more elastic, rise better, and adds some protein (something I can always use in the morning!)
1/2 cup 2% milk - with the additional zucchini and using sour cream instead of sour milk, I needed more liquid.
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a muffin pan, or use paper liners.
2. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.Cut in shortening until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. I used a hand mixer to mix the butter with the dry ingredients and then made a well and added all the wet ingredients. So much better than trying to cut everything together. Make a well in the center, and pour in milk, eggs, zucchini and vanilla. Fold in walnuts. Fill muffin cups 2/3 to 3/4 full. Sprinkle tops with brown sugar.
3. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Allow to cool. - Mine took just about 15 minutes. I removed the muffins from the pan immediately - be careful, they are delicate - and put them on racks to cool. Then put them in ziplock bags and left on the counter overnight. By the morning they are super moist and delicious to have for breakfast.
I made changes of course.
Super Duper Zucchini Muffins - Kitten Style
Ingredients:
2 1/4 cups
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup
2 eggs, lightly beaten
Added:
4 teaspoon vital wheat gluten - You don't need this, but it makes the muffins more elastic, rise better, and adds some protein (something I can always use in the morning!)
1/2 cup 2% milk - with the additional zucchini and using sour cream instead of sour milk, I needed more liquid.
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a muffin pan, or use paper liners.
2. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.
3. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Allow to cool. - Mine took just about 15 minutes. I removed the muffins from the pan immediately - be careful, they are delicate - and put them on racks to cool. Then put them in ziplock bags and left on the counter overnight. By the morning they are super moist and delicious to have for breakfast.
Friday, June 26, 2009
TGIF
Another very hot day at the shop. So hot. It's been in the 90's here recently, and very muggy. My business shares a building with the landlord, A. He's a good guy mostly, but we are both suffering pretty bad during the recession and have been trying to cut costs wherever possible. So there is no AC at the shop currently.
This morning it was around 65 outside, though we had a great deal of humidity so it felt a bit warmer. But the shop itself was probably 85 in the morning. We need more fans to try to get the cooler air indoors in the morning and then close the doors in the afternoon. Large amounts of money so we could turn on the AC would be ideal at this point.
I've been going into work very early (for me) this week and then leaving earlier as well to try to avoid the heat as much as possible. Shockingly, I've been pretty productive considering the sweating. The funny thing is I'll get all focused on a project and be working away, and I'm ok, but when I stop I'm kind of disoriented and dazed for a bit. I'm pretty sure I lose about 10 IQ points for every hours I'm in the building. At that rate, by the time I left today, I had an IQ of about 80. And I felt like it. It's like Flowers for Algernon up in there.
Did I mention it was hot?
So once I got home I really wanted to bake up my muffins. I have a tendency to procrastinate and I really wanted my muffins done and taken care of before the zucchini turned. They turned out beautifully and smell amazing. I worked on the cucumber & yogurt for tzatziki a bit (both needed to be drained) and later assembled it so it could work it's chemical goodness in the fridge. 3 dozen muffins later - 1 that suicided onto the floor. Sad :(
And now I'm feeling craptastic. Stupid uterus. It causes me all kinds of non-consentual, hard limit, sweat and fever inducing pain. Where's my safeword mother nature??! Would anyone care to purchase it? All you need to do is pay for it's removal and you can haz it 4 free. I've never grown a baby in it, and according to the little ancient Asian doctor who once gave me a pelvic exam, it's "ripe". So cmon.. come and pick mah damn fruit already.
Heading to bed and hoping I feel better. I have two consultations to do tomorrow and hopefully can get a decent amount accomplished. They are having a car show tomorrow and closing off our street for it, so likely I'll be plagued by peckins asking "Do people really buy this stuff?"
My god I'm grumpy.
This morning it was around 65 outside, though we had a great deal of humidity so it felt a bit warmer. But the shop itself was probably 85 in the morning. We need more fans to try to get the cooler air indoors in the morning and then close the doors in the afternoon. Large amounts of money so we could turn on the AC would be ideal at this point.
I've been going into work very early (for me) this week and then leaving earlier as well to try to avoid the heat as much as possible. Shockingly, I've been pretty productive considering the sweating. The funny thing is I'll get all focused on a project and be working away, and I'm ok, but when I stop I'm kind of disoriented and dazed for a bit. I'm pretty sure I lose about 10 IQ points for every hours I'm in the building. At that rate, by the time I left today, I had an IQ of about 80. And I felt like it. It's like Flowers for Algernon up in there.
Did I mention it was hot?
So once I got home I really wanted to bake up my muffins. I have a tendency to procrastinate and I really wanted my muffins done and taken care of before the zucchini turned. They turned out beautifully and smell amazing. I worked on the cucumber & yogurt for tzatziki a bit (both needed to be drained) and later assembled it so it could work it's chemical goodness in the fridge. 3 dozen muffins later - 1 that suicided onto the floor. Sad :(
And now I'm feeling craptastic. Stupid uterus. It causes me all kinds of non-consentual, hard limit, sweat and fever inducing pain. Where's my safeword mother nature??! Would anyone care to purchase it? All you need to do is pay for it's removal and you can haz it 4 free. I've never grown a baby in it, and according to the little ancient Asian doctor who once gave me a pelvic exam, it's "ripe". So cmon.. come and pick mah damn fruit already.
Heading to bed and hoping I feel better. I have two consultations to do tomorrow and hopefully can get a decent amount accomplished. They are having a car show tomorrow and closing off our street for it, so likely I'll be plagued by peckins asking "Do people really buy this stuff?"
My god I'm grumpy.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Domesticity
Since meeting Daddy, I've become way more domestic. You know, competent around the house, doing more than opening a packet of starch and mixing with water, signing up for a CSA, etc. All of these things go hand in hand with me trying to have a healthier lifestyle in general. Daddy wants me around for a while I guess.
Part of this has been diet. I signed up for a CSA, which if you don't already know, is short for Community Supported Agriculture. Yay farmers! I spent part of my formative years living in the country with a gynormous organic garden, lots of pets, a pony, wood furnace, etc. Sadly, even with our awesome produce, my parents would cook the veggies until they were gray. It was so gross that I "hated" vegetables for the longest time. I'm still convincing myself that I don't. But part of being Daddy's is trying new things, so here I am.
My CSA is awesome. You should go sign up for one too. Mine is probably the best in the whole nation because from March until November, I get a weekly delivery consisting of a bushel box full of local and imported organic produce. It's delicious and it's like Christmas because I never know what's going to be inside.
However, after being a starchavore for many years, I had to start learning how to cook this very familiar, yet strangely foreign, food that kept showing up. I'm very "thrifty" so throwing out rotten food is just repugnant to me. Cooking it like my parents did was also repugnant. Fortunately Daddy had some ideas and recipes for me, so I've been learning to cook long distance as it were.
Good recipes are always welcome, especially to help me use up the plethora of greens I get each week. I don't hate salad, but I don't love it either. I end up freezing most of the greens to use later. Last year in the middle of the summer we had a greens shortage, I'm hoping that happens again. However, they are also pretty decent in a frozen fruit/yogurt smoothy with a dash of splenda and handful of frozen greens. You can't taste the greens honestly but it's a good way to use them up.
In addition, I started baking all my own bread about 7 months ago. It's cheaper, tastes better and I use it up before it goes bad. About 2 months ago I switched to whole wheat instead of white bread, which is amazingly delicious. So I've also been doing more baking with whole wheat flour in general. Pancakes, biscuits, muffins. Speaking of muffins I'll be making fabulous zucchini muffins probably tomorrow or Saturday.
I made some for a camping trip I had a couple weeks ago, but the local skunk ended up benefiting from most of them as someone took them out of the safety of the cooler. So I've got a big bowl full of shredded squash and zucchini in the fridge just waiting to be added to multiple batches of muffins so I can freeze them for breakfast and snacks.
This weekend I'm planning on making some tzatziki sauce, pita bread and spicy ground gyro meat. I'm psyched about it as it's a new recipe. But I have a huge amount of cucumbers this week that I need to use up, so some gyros will fit the bill.
Part of this has been diet. I signed up for a CSA, which if you don't already know, is short for Community Supported Agriculture. Yay farmers! I spent part of my formative years living in the country with a gynormous organic garden, lots of pets, a pony, wood furnace, etc. Sadly, even with our awesome produce, my parents would cook the veggies until they were gray. It was so gross that I "hated" vegetables for the longest time. I'm still convincing myself that I don't. But part of being Daddy's is trying new things, so here I am.
My CSA is awesome. You should go sign up for one too. Mine is probably the best in the whole nation because from March until November, I get a weekly delivery consisting of a bushel box full of local and imported organic produce. It's delicious and it's like Christmas because I never know what's going to be inside.
However, after being a starchavore for many years, I had to start learning how to cook this very familiar, yet strangely foreign, food that kept showing up. I'm very "thrifty" so throwing out rotten food is just repugnant to me. Cooking it like my parents did was also repugnant. Fortunately Daddy had some ideas and recipes for me, so I've been learning to cook long distance as it were.
Good recipes are always welcome, especially to help me use up the plethora of greens I get each week. I don't hate salad, but I don't love it either. I end up freezing most of the greens to use later. Last year in the middle of the summer we had a greens shortage, I'm hoping that happens again. However, they are also pretty decent in a frozen fruit/yogurt smoothy with a dash of splenda and handful of frozen greens. You can't taste the greens honestly but it's a good way to use them up.
In addition, I started baking all my own bread about 7 months ago. It's cheaper, tastes better and I use it up before it goes bad. About 2 months ago I switched to whole wheat instead of white bread, which is amazingly delicious. So I've also been doing more baking with whole wheat flour in general. Pancakes, biscuits, muffins. Speaking of muffins I'll be making fabulous zucchini muffins probably tomorrow or Saturday.
I made some for a camping trip I had a couple weeks ago, but the local skunk ended up benefiting from most of them as someone took them out of the safety of the cooler. So I've got a big bowl full of shredded squash and zucchini in the fridge just waiting to be added to multiple batches of muffins so I can freeze them for breakfast and snacks.
This weekend I'm planning on making some tzatziki sauce, pita bread and spicy ground gyro meat. I'm psyched about it as it's a new recipe. But I have a huge amount of cucumbers this week that I need to use up, so some gyros will fit the bill.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Journaling
So I haven't been journaling regularly lately. Oh, no, not here of course. I started this public blog not too long ago, but I've been keeping a journal privately for over a year now. I get bored easily, so it could be that I started getting bored with the journal. It just seemed more of a rundown of the day's activities or events rather than anything of value.
There was a lot of "I worked today and this is what I worked on" and "this weekend my plans are" and "here's my list of chores I hope to get done today". I mean, really boring stuff. God love Daddy for ploughing through and reading it despite the lack of any sort of excitement.
We are just pretty boring I suppose. There's not a lot of drama between the two of us unless I've got hormones to combat, which I do currently. Speaking of which, anyone want to buy a slightly used uterus? I don't want it anymore.
Hormones make me wonky. Like really irrational and sometimes filled with rage. It's gotten worse as I get older, but at least now I can start detecting the signs of it and put of major decision making until I'm stablized. Because sometimes I get ideas in my head like.. maybe I should just run in front of a bus or.. I can't do this thing with Daddy anymore.. or just running away and hiding in general. It's a really gross feeling and while I do have some stress and I don't have an ideal relationship considering he's 3 timezones away, I'm pretty fucking content all in all. Certainly not "dart in front of bus" territory.
The mere thought of not having Daddy in my life makes me feel like I can't breath, so that certainly seems like a dumb choice. And the running away part.. well run to where exactly? I don't drive and I'm not much of a runner anyways. Probably best to just go and take a nap at that point.
This is where my procrastination pays off, because I can procrastinate on such plans until, say, hormones aren't making me crazy and then if I STILL want to, I can always do it later. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
But anyways, when I feel like that (yesterday) I make sure to let Daddy know right away. Hopefully, that keeps him in the loop so he knows when I might say crazy, insecure, out of character shit. I get all weepy too, which is annoying as well as messy. And dwell. I just dwell on every fucking thing. Like if Daddy pokes fun at me and I'm being all over sensitive, I just fret and dwell on that thing until I'm a stupid mess.
Fortunately, I know what it is now and that can help sort of. At least I know there's an end in sight. Generally when the clots arrive. Which is it's own special level of hell. I seem to require some sort of leakage from some oriface or another. Happy day for the birth control pill!. I avoid most of that crap by tri-cycling. 4 periods a year, if that, but they are more severe admittedly. I deal though, better than 12, even if more mild.
So where was I? Oh yes, journalling. So, new plan for the moment at least. I figure Daddy and I talk all the time anyways about life, everyday stuff, sex, nomming and the like, so writing that down separately just seems silly. Any issues I have I pretty much bring straight to him, so I don't necessarily need a "safe" place to talk about that. As you can tell from this writing, I'm a babbler. And I have ADD. Shiny!
...
And I have this public blog thingy. So why not just write stuff here? Which may bring some feedback or conversations with other people, and may not, but either way I can discuss other stuff, and kind of keep track of some of my thoughts and reflections here. If I try to cram too much into my brainz, it leaks out my ears and that's not a good way to keep track.
So, beyond all this stuff, topic for the day is my fabulous new toy that Daddy boughted and sent me. It's from Extreme Restraints. OMG I love that store. I've bought so much stuff there and the prices are the best evah!
My favoritest toy is my wand. Mr Hitachi. My boyfriend. And of course his different hats. I have two hats for him. Actually, I should call him Mr. Hitachi 2. I broke the first one. After a month. I swear, it was flawed somehow! Not my fault! Fortunately, the kind folks who made him let me return him and sent me a brand new one. Yayz! Thank you makers of Mr. Hitachi. I heart him. I might have hearted him too much and that's why he broke, but I admit to nothing.
So now my bf has 3 hats! The third arrived today and looks so lovely. It's all knobby. Actually, see it for yourself here. I can't wait to get a chance to use it, which will likely be tonight if I'm lucky.
Ok, my brain shorted out just thinking about it.
If you don't have a bf of your own, you should definitely get one. Disclaimer: May cause carpal tunnel. Just sayin'. Yeah, I'm getting carpal tunnel. I only mostly think it's the wand. It might also be caused by computer work (was doing that before the wand) or by being a seamstress (also doing long before the wand) but have avoided symptoms until the arrival of my bf. I need to figure out how to make some sort of hump-o-matic seat thingy so I don't hurt my hand any worse. It's really getting bad. :(
But yay for new toys!
There was a lot of "I worked today and this is what I worked on" and "this weekend my plans are" and "here's my list of chores I hope to get done today". I mean, really boring stuff. God love Daddy for ploughing through and reading it despite the lack of any sort of excitement.
We are just pretty boring I suppose. There's not a lot of drama between the two of us unless I've got hormones to combat, which I do currently. Speaking of which, anyone want to buy a slightly used uterus? I don't want it anymore.
Hormones make me wonky. Like really irrational and sometimes filled with rage. It's gotten worse as I get older, but at least now I can start detecting the signs of it and put of major decision making until I'm stablized. Because sometimes I get ideas in my head like.. maybe I should just run in front of a bus or.. I can't do this thing with Daddy anymore.. or just running away and hiding in general. It's a really gross feeling and while I do have some stress and I don't have an ideal relationship considering he's 3 timezones away, I'm pretty fucking content all in all. Certainly not "dart in front of bus" territory.
The mere thought of not having Daddy in my life makes me feel like I can't breath, so that certainly seems like a dumb choice. And the running away part.. well run to where exactly? I don't drive and I'm not much of a runner anyways. Probably best to just go and take a nap at that point.
This is where my procrastination pays off, because I can procrastinate on such plans until, say, hormones aren't making me crazy and then if I STILL want to, I can always do it later. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
But anyways, when I feel like that (yesterday) I make sure to let Daddy know right away. Hopefully, that keeps him in the loop so he knows when I might say crazy, insecure, out of character shit. I get all weepy too, which is annoying as well as messy. And dwell. I just dwell on every fucking thing. Like if Daddy pokes fun at me and I'm being all over sensitive, I just fret and dwell on that thing until I'm a stupid mess.
Fortunately, I know what it is now and that can help sort of. At least I know there's an end in sight. Generally when the clots arrive. Which is it's own special level of hell. I seem to require some sort of leakage from some oriface or another. Happy day for the birth control pill!. I avoid most of that crap by tri-cycling. 4 periods a year, if that, but they are more severe admittedly. I deal though, better than 12, even if more mild.
So where was I? Oh yes, journalling. So, new plan for the moment at least. I figure Daddy and I talk all the time anyways about life, everyday stuff, sex, nomming and the like, so writing that down separately just seems silly. Any issues I have I pretty much bring straight to him, so I don't necessarily need a "safe" place to talk about that. As you can tell from this writing, I'm a babbler. And I have ADD. Shiny!
...
And I have this public blog thingy. So why not just write stuff here? Which may bring some feedback or conversations with other people, and may not, but either way I can discuss other stuff, and kind of keep track of some of my thoughts and reflections here. If I try to cram too much into my brainz, it leaks out my ears and that's not a good way to keep track.
So, beyond all this stuff, topic for the day is my fabulous new toy that Daddy boughted and sent me. It's from Extreme Restraints. OMG I love that store. I've bought so much stuff there and the prices are the best evah!
My favoritest toy is my wand. Mr Hitachi. My boyfriend. And of course his different hats. I have two hats for him. Actually, I should call him Mr. Hitachi 2. I broke the first one. After a month. I swear, it was flawed somehow! Not my fault! Fortunately, the kind folks who made him let me return him and sent me a brand new one. Yayz! Thank you makers of Mr. Hitachi. I heart him. I might have hearted him too much and that's why he broke, but I admit to nothing.
So now my bf has 3 hats! The third arrived today and looks so lovely. It's all knobby. Actually, see it for yourself here. I can't wait to get a chance to use it, which will likely be tonight if I'm lucky.
Ok, my brain shorted out just thinking about it.
If you don't have a bf of your own, you should definitely get one. Disclaimer: May cause carpal tunnel. Just sayin'. Yeah, I'm getting carpal tunnel. I only mostly think it's the wand. It might also be caused by computer work (was doing that before the wand) or by being a seamstress (also doing long before the wand) but have avoided symptoms until the arrival of my bf. I need to figure out how to make some sort of hump-o-matic seat thingy so I don't hurt my hand any worse. It's really getting bad. :(
But yay for new toys!
Micromanagement
After getting very frustrated and annoyed at this post over on Fetlife, I decided a better place to vent my spleen was on my blog instead of on that particular thread.
Look, those of us who are into micromanagement, both Owners & Property, are into it because we find it satisfying on some level. The repetition of "I'm a big girl" "I can shit by myself" "I know what needs to be done" is insulting because it infers that those of us who like to be managed or controlled more tightly are incapable of wiping our own asses or sit about naked and in a pile of excrement picking our noses when not told what to do.
We're all adults and as fully capable of functioning and such as any other adult person. I'm not mentally stunted or a drooling idiot. What I am, is an adult with a fetish for control, and happily, so is Daddy.
If you're not into it, fine and dandy. Any kink or fetish can certainly be denigrated. The idea that this one in particular draws mental midgets or insecure assholes is particularly annoying.
I happen to LIKE that my guy is absolutely interested and involved in every part of my life. I don't NEED him to be, but it feels awfully cozy and lovely to know that he is. There's tons of dudes who couldn't give two shits what I did today, or that I made my first pie, or that I had a breakthrough on something or other at work that was frustrating me. I've lived that life and you know what? It's unsatisfying to me.
I'm as curious and interested as he is, and that's a new one for me. To have it reciprocated. He knows my life so intimately and is able to give great advice and useful instruction to keep me on task. We are both VERY busy, and I have a tendency to procrastinate, get distracted and even be a little lazy when I get overwhelmed. Sometimes there's so much to do that I just need to go take a nap.
He helps me sort, prioritize and get my head in the game so I can be productive and useful without spending extra time that I really can't afford. He makes sure I'm not up at all hours and get good restful sleep. I'm not great at that either. I've done the whole 3am bedtime thing and it makes me a zombie the next day.
We aren't perfect and don't expect to be anytime soon. We just try to to better each day. Some of the control measures have fallen by the wayside a bit, but he'll give me a nice leash yank when I need it and put them back into place for a time. The thing about micromanagement is that it can be time consuming for both of us, and the busier our work/personal lives are, the more we have to compromise on that. If it's useful then it remains. If it's not, then we move on to something different.
If it was static or just there "cuz" instead of having a purpose, I could see it building resentment at some point. Most things were put in place to keep me flowing through my day in a focused and productive manner, so that I could have more down time to actually relax.
When I stopped doing some of them, I wasn't told I failed, it was just assumed that some things had outlived their usefulness.
Ok, irritation is purged. :)
Look, those of us who are into micromanagement, both Owners & Property, are into it because we find it satisfying on some level. The repetition of "I'm a big girl" "I can shit by myself" "I know what needs to be done" is insulting because it infers that those of us who like to be managed or controlled more tightly are incapable of wiping our own asses or sit about naked and in a pile of excrement picking our noses when not told what to do.
We're all adults and as fully capable of functioning and such as any other adult person. I'm not mentally stunted or a drooling idiot. What I am, is an adult with a fetish for control, and happily, so is Daddy.
If you're not into it, fine and dandy. Any kink or fetish can certainly be denigrated. The idea that this one in particular draws mental midgets or insecure assholes is particularly annoying.
I happen to LIKE that my guy is absolutely interested and involved in every part of my life. I don't NEED him to be, but it feels awfully cozy and lovely to know that he is. There's tons of dudes who couldn't give two shits what I did today, or that I made my first pie, or that I had a breakthrough on something or other at work that was frustrating me. I've lived that life and you know what? It's unsatisfying to me.
I'm as curious and interested as he is, and that's a new one for me. To have it reciprocated. He knows my life so intimately and is able to give great advice and useful instruction to keep me on task. We are both VERY busy, and I have a tendency to procrastinate, get distracted and even be a little lazy when I get overwhelmed. Sometimes there's so much to do that I just need to go take a nap.
He helps me sort, prioritize and get my head in the game so I can be productive and useful without spending extra time that I really can't afford. He makes sure I'm not up at all hours and get good restful sleep. I'm not great at that either. I've done the whole 3am bedtime thing and it makes me a zombie the next day.
We aren't perfect and don't expect to be anytime soon. We just try to to better each day. Some of the control measures have fallen by the wayside a bit, but he'll give me a nice leash yank when I need it and put them back into place for a time. The thing about micromanagement is that it can be time consuming for both of us, and the busier our work/personal lives are, the more we have to compromise on that. If it's useful then it remains. If it's not, then we move on to something different.
If it was static or just there "cuz" instead of having a purpose, I could see it building resentment at some point. Most things were put in place to keep me flowing through my day in a focused and productive manner, so that I could have more down time to actually relax.
When I stopped doing some of them, I wasn't told I failed, it was just assumed that some things had outlived their usefulness.
Ok, irritation is purged. :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Can a leopard change it's spots?
In answer to a thread about the ability to "learn" to be dominant.
I absolutely think that people can change, develop new desires, have recessive personality traits come forward. As humans, I believe we all have the ability to submit or dominate in various degrees, in all facets of our life. Certainly, where we fall on that particular scale changes depending on the circumstances, who we are interacting with and such.
I know lots of folks will say, "I am dominant at work, but a slave at home, but my social life and my sexual identity are separate". I don't agree. I think we are just reacting to the situation in the appropriate manner for us. Even at work we might be more of a "switch" in that regard, having to obey the directives of a superior, and direct those who are in our charge. We are fluid creatures. We can do both, be both.
Some, who start in a menial position, with no real desire or need to be in charge, find that they are really good at it when put in that position. The potential was there in waiting, but they didn't even realize it since the situation wasn't right for it.
This same "change" can often be seen in parents who may start as nurturers, but then also develop authoritarian personalities in regards to their offspring in order to guide and shape them.
I see the same potential for fluidity in our pair bondings. While usually I'm most fulfilled, satisfied, and happy in a subservient role to my owner, at times certain women will bring out the predator in me. It's not every woman, or even every submissive woman, or even every submissive woman I find hot. It's very specific to certain women that I have a particular chemistry with. When that happens, it's a fun and delicious thing. But, if the circumstances are not right, it's just not going to happen.
So yes, I can see a previously vanilla husband/bf having their dominant side sparked by the right situation. But it's not always going to happen. It depends on the chemistry of the people involved and learning what behaviors and such will bring out those recessive traits.
Far too many submissive women think that Dominance should be easy. And it is, if you don't have to deal with the thoughts, feelings, health, mental stability, external stressors, family responsibilities of those you are dominating and just existed inside a bubble.
I have no direct experience other than what I related, but I was once friends with a couple who I've since lost contact with.
They were married, and when I met them, she was his slave and he was a rather sadistic and controlling owner. He had determined, when they met as a "vanilla" couple, that he was looking for an owner for himself, so rather than search for one, he found someone to train to be his Mistress. They signed a contract for a year with him as Master. When that year ended, she became owner, and was, in every way from what they both told me.
They had a very intense relationship, and frankly, I wouldn't have expected the switch to work as well as it did, but it DID. It may be because they were both psychologists, I don't know. I know that they weren't playing at anything. From what she said, she had never had either submissive or dominant fantasies prior to meeting him but was willing to go along with what he wanted. I have to say, also, that after the switch there was no waffling or topping from the bottom that I could see. The power transfer was absolute. It was fascinating.
I absolutely think that people can change, develop new desires, have recessive personality traits come forward. As humans, I believe we all have the ability to submit or dominate in various degrees, in all facets of our life. Certainly, where we fall on that particular scale changes depending on the circumstances, who we are interacting with and such.
I know lots of folks will say, "I am dominant at work, but a slave at home, but my social life and my sexual identity are separate". I don't agree. I think we are just reacting to the situation in the appropriate manner for us. Even at work we might be more of a "switch" in that regard, having to obey the directives of a superior, and direct those who are in our charge. We are fluid creatures. We can do both, be both.
Some, who start in a menial position, with no real desire or need to be in charge, find that they are really good at it when put in that position. The potential was there in waiting, but they didn't even realize it since the situation wasn't right for it.
This same "change" can often be seen in parents who may start as nurturers, but then also develop authoritarian personalities in regards to their offspring in order to guide and shape them.
I see the same potential for fluidity in our pair bondings. While usually I'm most fulfilled, satisfied, and happy in a subservient role to my owner, at times certain women will bring out the predator in me. It's not every woman, or even every submissive woman, or even every submissive woman I find hot. It's very specific to certain women that I have a particular chemistry with. When that happens, it's a fun and delicious thing. But, if the circumstances are not right, it's just not going to happen.
So yes, I can see a previously vanilla husband/bf having their dominant side sparked by the right situation. But it's not always going to happen. It depends on the chemistry of the people involved and learning what behaviors and such will bring out those recessive traits.
Far too many submissive women think that Dominance should be easy. And it is, if you don't have to deal with the thoughts, feelings, health, mental stability, external stressors, family responsibilities of those you are dominating and just existed inside a bubble.
I have no direct experience other than what I related, but I was once friends with a couple who I've since lost contact with.
They were married, and when I met them, she was his slave and he was a rather sadistic and controlling owner. He had determined, when they met as a "vanilla" couple, that he was looking for an owner for himself, so rather than search for one, he found someone to train to be his Mistress. They signed a contract for a year with him as Master. When that year ended, she became owner, and was, in every way from what they both told me.
They had a very intense relationship, and frankly, I wouldn't have expected the switch to work as well as it did, but it DID. It may be because they were both psychologists, I don't know. I know that they weren't playing at anything. From what she said, she had never had either submissive or dominant fantasies prior to meeting him but was willing to go along with what he wanted. I have to say, also, that after the switch there was no waffling or topping from the bottom that I could see. The power transfer was absolute. It was fascinating.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Poly vs Swinging
Inspired by Master JB's post on this topic.
I have long identified as Poly, but started questioning myself when I associated with other poly people and heard the various definitions for the plethora of ways you can be open to more than one. After a while, I decided that definitions and labels were way too limiting for me in yet another realm.
As a complex human, I can happily pair bond with another person. I can do the typical falling in love, head over heels, googly eyed for them. At the same time, I could be open to having a casual sexual affair with someone without them, or with them. I could casually date other people, and possibly fall in love with them. I could screw with no thought for anything but a night with one or more partners.
In the monogamy world, no one questions a person's ability to BE monogamous just because they are casually dating and/or screwing a few people. They are just "shopping around" for their mate. It confused me that it was looked down on in the poly community. "That's just swinging", it's said.
Also, depending on who I'm involved with, the boundaries and potential can change. Add on a layer of kink and control, and things can get even more confusing.
So I suppose I will change my label to lovingly non-monogamous. I can love, I can lust, I can be committed and loyal, I can be casual and a free spirit. I can do all these things at the same time.
So, for me, I think the label is less important than figuring out, with whoever you're involved with, just what things sound good or scary or yucky and such to you. With that said, though, there's always the potential that something comes along that you weren't expecting, weren't looking for, but turns into a deliciously cozy fit for everyone.
So it's good to talk talk talk it out, but merely saying "I'm poly" and expecting any other person to define it the same way you do is unlikely. Discuss what flavors you like. What scenarios are appealing. And always care for what you already have.
I have long identified as Poly, but started questioning myself when I associated with other poly people and heard the various definitions for the plethora of ways you can be open to more than one. After a while, I decided that definitions and labels were way too limiting for me in yet another realm.
As a complex human, I can happily pair bond with another person. I can do the typical falling in love, head over heels, googly eyed for them. At the same time, I could be open to having a casual sexual affair with someone without them, or with them. I could casually date other people, and possibly fall in love with them. I could screw with no thought for anything but a night with one or more partners.
In the monogamy world, no one questions a person's ability to BE monogamous just because they are casually dating and/or screwing a few people. They are just "shopping around" for their mate. It confused me that it was looked down on in the poly community. "That's just swinging", it's said.
Also, depending on who I'm involved with, the boundaries and potential can change. Add on a layer of kink and control, and things can get even more confusing.
So I suppose I will change my label to lovingly non-monogamous. I can love, I can lust, I can be committed and loyal, I can be casual and a free spirit. I can do all these things at the same time.
So, for me, I think the label is less important than figuring out, with whoever you're involved with, just what things sound good or scary or yucky and such to you. With that said, though, there's always the potential that something comes along that you weren't expecting, weren't looking for, but turns into a deliciously cozy fit for everyone.
So it's good to talk talk talk it out, but merely saying "I'm poly" and expecting any other person to define it the same way you do is unlikely. Discuss what flavors you like. What scenarios are appealing. And always care for what you already have.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Do you act like a slave?
A question about "acting like a slave" over on fetlife got me thinking.
I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at then? Protocols? Cliche slave behaviors?
I'm rather jaded about them. I've seen plenty of submissives and slaves go through the motions with no real meaning behind them. Especially in public. I think they can be important, though, especially in long term relationships.
In particular, I think it's important that they be enforced by both parties. I know that I found myself going into autopilot after several years. Things we both considered important at one time went by the wayside, and it wasn't too long before we started having no overt signs of being in a power dynamic whatsoever. He had final say, but everything else was gone.
I know some folks find that sort of comfortableness just fine. I don't. For me there's a certain amount of vigilance that I put into my relationship now that I didn't realize a need for previously. So I suppose those behaviors are what you're asking about? It's not so much screaming "slave" as being an internal notification that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's often subtle, and probably rarely observed outside the relationship.
I feel part of my job is to empower him through actions, words and deeds. So, following through on his orders, maintaining a respectful tone, deferring to him during discussions, letting him see / know my vulnerabilities, sharing intimate thoughts that he might find interesting and amusing, following whatever protocols/rituals/routines that he lays out for me as best I can, asking for correction when I start drifting. That stuff, to me, is the important stuff. These things that I often struggle with.
The more I work to empower him, the more often he's likely to use that power and control and allow me to feel his dominance. It's a symbiotic sort of thing.
I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at then? Protocols? Cliche slave behaviors?
I'm rather jaded about them. I've seen plenty of submissives and slaves go through the motions with no real meaning behind them. Especially in public. I think they can be important, though, especially in long term relationships.
In particular, I think it's important that they be enforced by both parties. I know that I found myself going into autopilot after several years. Things we both considered important at one time went by the wayside, and it wasn't too long before we started having no overt signs of being in a power dynamic whatsoever. He had final say, but everything else was gone.
I know some folks find that sort of comfortableness just fine. I don't. For me there's a certain amount of vigilance that I put into my relationship now that I didn't realize a need for previously. So I suppose those behaviors are what you're asking about? It's not so much screaming "slave" as being an internal notification that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's often subtle, and probably rarely observed outside the relationship.
I feel part of my job is to empower him through actions, words and deeds. So, following through on his orders, maintaining a respectful tone, deferring to him during discussions, letting him see / know my vulnerabilities, sharing intimate thoughts that he might find interesting and amusing, following whatever protocols/rituals/routines that he lays out for me as best I can, asking for correction when I start drifting. That stuff, to me, is the important stuff. These things that I often struggle with.
The more I work to empower him, the more often he's likely to use that power and control and allow me to feel his dominance. It's a symbiotic sort of thing.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Slave/Sub Training Article
I wrote the following article about 11 years ago when I was first in a live-in 24/7 M/s relationship. There were issues with my fellow slave and I wrote down some structural ideas that I thought might assist my very novice owner. I thought about it again today and thought it might be useful to re-post.
I'm not going to include the link to the original article as I wish to keep this blog mostly anonymous.
I'm not going to include the link to the original article as I wish to keep this blog mostly anonymous.
Slave/Sub Training
The following are my ideas for conducting a live-in D/s relationship. If you have a part time non-live in relationship, certain suggestions wont be applicable to you, but take what you will. If you have a Master/slave or TPE or 24/7 relationship, feel free to expand these ideas to suit your particular style.
This is just a guideline, and is not set in stone at all. On the contrary, it is important for each dominant to modify it to their satisfaction, or, scrap it entirely and use only their own ideas.
Remember: Safe, Sane and Consensual!
1. Have him/her write down thoughts, feelings, ideas about submission and answer certain questions such as:
· what is a submissive?
· what does being submissive mean to me?
· what are my expectations of myself in this role?
· what qualities must I have in order to be a good submissive?
· why do I want to be a submissive?
· what is a dominant?
· how should my dominant treat me?
· what things do I want to have included in my D/s relationship?
· what are my limits?
· what are my desires for this relationship?
· what do I feel are punishments that will teach me to be a better submissive?
*When you assign this task, set a time limit of a week to have it completed. If she/he refuses to complete this task or doesn’t have a good excuse for it not being finished, halt discussions about D/s. When she/he complies, tell them you are pleased, then punish them for refusing to the first time or for having it done late. Explain that you will not tolerate refusals or tardiness in tasks, especially if they are not difficult and you have permitted adequate time to do it. If you wish, choose a punishment from their list or pick one you feel is suitable. Ie. Sitting in the corner, physical labour
2. Discuss what she/he has written. Have the sub make notes, or record it. Talk about the different aspects of submission and dominance, what you will decide as equals, and what you will decide as partners in a power exchange. Talk about limits and punishments. What things are you comfortable with? What things are you not comfortable with? Talk about expectations. Inform the sub that within the guidelines of your D/s relationship
3. Assign duties.
· Try to have a general list made up. Make it as fair as possible without compromising your dominance.
· She/he will have a schedule to follow, and will be expected to follow it unless there are unusual circumstances. Set a bedtime if you wish.
· She/he should be expected to clean up after themselves always! A dominant should never be responsible for cleaning up his sub’s messes.
· Daily chores should be completed before leisure time is granted. Have the sub ask before starting any leisure activity.
· Assign exercise. Ie. Going for a 15 minute walk
· Assign kneeling positions to do daily ie. Gorean positions. Have the sub assume and hold each position in your presence daily. Make up interesting ones of your own. Ie. Revealing or humiliating postures.
· Assign a journal. Specify a certain amount to be completed each night. Ie. Ten lines. The sub may write feelings, thoughts, ideas, requests, fantasies, desires in the journal, but never demands or whining. Complaints may be written if done in a respectful, non-blaming manner.
· If the sub says they can’t think of anything to write about, ask them a question which you wish them to answer in their journal, or, offer to assign physical labour instead.
· Listen to the sub’s requests and make positive changes where you see fit. Also, when reading the journal, make notes and, if there are good ideas, discuss them, then alter your schedule accordingly. Do not give into demands or whining!
4. Try to spend a certain amount of time each day
5. Rules: discuss rules
· asking to eat
· asking to have leisure time
· asking to go out
· asking to have friends in
· certain modes of dress or how you expect her to present herself to you
· wearing a collar or symbolic representation of her/his submission.
· completing her journal daily
· behaviour in public- dress, respect to others, respect to serving staff, deference to dominant, asking to eat, heeling, posture, tone.
· taking positions
· honesty
· respect
· deference
· taking care of health
· asking to spend money
6. Assign "me time" to the sub. During this time she/he should take a relaxing bath, meditate, read, masturbate and enjoy her/his own company. This is best done just before writing in the journal.
7. Leisure time: after chores are completed only. Discuss what are acceptable forms of leisure activities. Try to emphasise the benefits of constructive activities like playing with children, reading, keeping a private journal of thoughts
8. Scene time: Explain to the sub that scene time will be at your discretion. You will not tolerate demands or whining. The sub also gets a certain amount of scene time daily when they do their positions for you. The sub may always make requests in their journal for certain activities if that is important to them, however, a pushy submissive rarely has their dominant’s pleasure in mind. Selfishness will not be tolerated in a sub.
9. Punishments: to be discussed by you and your partner, examples are
· sitting in the corner in your presence
· sitting in the corner in another room
· kneeling for certain periods of time in uncomfortable/embarrassing positions
· being restrained in awkward/embarrassing positions
· restrictions of privileges
· denial of release
· harsher schedule
· physical labor
· earlier bed time
· pain
· corporal punishment
· exercise
· favorite foods, going out to dinner, being permitted to hire a babysitter and prepare a romantic dinner.
· sex
· acting out a specific scene or fantasy taken from journals
· having a date
· spending a certain amount of money on themselves
· quality time with dominant
· more "me time"
· more "leisure time"
· no chores for a day
· a present
· staying up late
· a massage
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