Journaling

So I haven't been journaling regularly lately. Oh, no, not here of course. I started this public blog not too long ago, but I've been keeping a journal privately for over a year now. I get bored easily, so it could be that I started getting bored with the journal. It just seemed more of a rundown of the day's activities or events rather than anything of value.

There was a lot of "I worked today and this is what I worked on" and "this weekend my plans are" and "here's my list of chores I hope to get done today". I mean, really boring stuff. God love Daddy for ploughing through and reading it despite the lack of any sort of excitement.

We are just pretty boring I suppose. There's not a lot of drama between the two of us unless I've got hormones to combat, which I do currently. Speaking of which, anyone want to buy a slightly used uterus? I don't want it anymore.

Hormones make me wonky. Like really irrational and sometimes filled with rage. It's gotten worse as I get older, but at least now I can start detecting the signs of it and put of major decision making until I'm stablized. Because sometimes I get ideas in my head like.. maybe I should just run in front of a bus or.. I can't do this thing with Daddy anymore.. or just running away and hiding in general. It's a really gross feeling and while I do have some stress and I don't have an ideal relationship considering he's 3 timezones away, I'm pretty fucking content all in all. Certainly not "dart in front of bus" territory.

The mere thought of not having Daddy in my life makes me feel like I can't breath, so that certainly seems like a dumb choice. And the running away part.. well run to where exactly? I don't drive and I'm not much of a runner anyways. Probably best to just go and take a nap at that point.

This is where my procrastination pays off, because I can procrastinate on such plans until, say, hormones aren't making me crazy and then if I STILL want to, I can always do it later. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But anyways, when I feel like that (yesterday) I make sure to let Daddy know right away. Hopefully, that keeps him in the loop so he knows when I might say crazy, insecure, out of character shit. I get all weepy too, which is annoying as well as messy. And dwell. I just dwell on every fucking thing. Like if Daddy pokes fun at me and I'm being all over sensitive, I just fret and dwell on that thing until I'm a stupid mess.

Fortunately, I know what it is now and that can help sort of. At least I know there's an end in sight. Generally when the clots arrive. Which is it's own special level of hell. I seem to require some sort of leakage from some oriface or another. Happy day for the birth control pill!. I avoid most of that crap by tri-cycling. 4 periods a year, if that, but they are more severe admittedly. I deal though, better than 12, even if more mild.

So where was I? Oh yes, journalling. So, new plan for the moment at least. I figure Daddy and I talk all the time anyways about life, everyday stuff, sex, nomming and the like, so writing that down separately just seems silly. Any issues I have I pretty much bring straight to him, so I don't necessarily need a "safe" place to talk about that. As you can tell from this writing, I'm a babbler. And I have ADD. Shiny!

...

And I have this public blog thingy. So why not just write stuff here? Which may bring some feedback or conversations with other people, and may not, but either way I can discuss other stuff, and kind of keep track of some of my thoughts and reflections here. If I try to cram too much into my brainz, it leaks out my ears and that's not a good way to keep track.

So, beyond all this stuff, topic for the day is my fabulous new toy that Daddy boughted and sent me. It's from Extreme Restraints. OMG I love that store. I've bought so much stuff there and the prices are the best evah!

My favoritest toy is my wand. Mr Hitachi. My boyfriend. And of course his different hats. I have two hats for him. Actually, I should call him Mr. Hitachi 2. I broke the first one. After a month. I swear, it was flawed somehow! Not my fault! Fortunately, the kind folks who made him let me return him and sent me a brand new one. Yayz! Thank you makers of Mr. Hitachi. I heart him. I might have hearted him too much and that's why he broke, but I admit to nothing.

So now my bf has 3 hats! The third arrived today and looks so lovely. It's all knobby. Actually, see it for yourself here. I can't wait to get a chance to use it, which will likely be tonight if I'm lucky.

Ok, my brain shorted out just thinking about it.

If you don't have a bf of your own, you should definitely get one. Disclaimer: May cause carpal tunnel. Just sayin'. Yeah, I'm getting carpal tunnel. I only mostly think it's the wand. It might also be caused by computer work (was doing that before the wand) or by being a seamstress (also doing long before the wand) but have avoided symptoms until the arrival of my bf. I need to figure out how to make some sort of hump-o-matic seat thingy so I don't hurt my hand any worse. It's really getting bad. :(

But yay for new toys!