Gah! I was halfway through a post and totally lost the whole thing when firefox crashed. So annoying!
Anyways, I went out for Indian food today with a lovely new friend I met on OK cupid. She just moved here with her quad from Cali and we had a great conversation about a full range of topics. It was one of those nice, flowing, non-awkward get togethers that just works. We've only emailed a couple times so we are virtually strangers with tons of undiscovered information to share. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her more.
And she's kinky.
Subtly dropped into the conversation as she talked about the local munch she'd be attending that evening and about her part time slave back in Cali. We didn't get into details but I had suspected she was. I'm telling you, I only ever meet poly/kinky people on OKCupid. I really like their setup over there.
At some point I might go to a munch with her and her family. It's been a while for me and would be nice to hang with kinky folks again in a real time setting. I always have concern about the drama element, but I suppose it's present everywhere and one just has to deal with it. I know Daddy would like me to get out in the community more and try to find someone to scratch the itch locally, and so would I to a certain extent. On the other hand, I've had so many crappy, emotionally/mentally devoid play partners, or have just been uninterested in the kinky guys I've met locally.
At one time I was even quite social and dating frequently. I met lots of guys on various personals or websites and a few ended up in my bed or pissing on me or doing other dirty things, but on the whole they just have been lacking. It makes me feel rather meh about the whole situation, though I know that there's other people out there who I'd be more compatible with.
I'm just really really OVER the emotionless, NSA sexual get togethers. I understand the appeal. I've enjoyed them in the past. But I don't like to have to compartmentalize myself, especially not with people I'm fucking. I'm totally ok with having friends that I fuck. In fact, that's what I want. I generally have strong feelings and love towards my friends with no ill repercussions, so why do I have to strip it out of my sexual relations? I don't need a romantic relationship with them, but I also don't want to have to be so guarded and aloof. I can do that just fine thanks. ;)
Anyways, we'll see what will happen. I would certainly prefer if Daddy would just be able to come over and fuck me, but he's far away and his cock just isn't that long. I'd be scared if it were, come to think of it.
--------
Despite having a good day and week all in all, I haven't been feeling very well. My tummy's been hella grumpy again. I probably ate something that pissed it off. I'll have to look at my food journal and try to figure out what it was. So irritating.
I went into Planned Parenthood this past Wednesday for my yearly and to get some STI tests done. Now my arm looks like someone hit me with a hammer. I got blood tests, and despite warning the phlebotomist that I have tiny squirrelly veins she managed to collapse it. At least the blood came out. It's been a while since I got blood work done and the needle really didn't hurt much at all.
So I'm thinking that trying out needles for play might be interesting. I've never had anyone into doing them before, but Daddy is for sure.
Well there was one guy that I went on ONE date with and he got drunk and was driving. That was the last time I saw him. He kept talking about this chick he tied up and stuck needles in her tits as he was polishing off his 4th beer in that hour. Yeah. Creepy.
I've actually been considering needle play for a couple years now. I figure I can always tap out if it's too much, but seriously, how bad is it? Anyone want to share? I've heard that the endorphin rush can be intense.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Rudeness & Disobedience
More fetlife stuff.
Question was: How do I (as a submissive) stop being rude, argumentative and disobedient?
I think it's mostly a matter of practice, time and conscious effort.
Pause before you react or speak and process what he's saying and then respond in as thoughtful a manner as you can manage. Remember that he has feelings too and is also new. He's going to have to practice his dominance and the better the response he gets from you, the more likely he will to do it more.
It's a symbiotic thing.If you make his life miserable when he asks you for something simple, you will train him to ask for nothing. That might be a good reason to work on this behavior right there.
As Lucky Albatross has also advised before, think up 5 things that really pushes your buttons. Things that are simple, require little to no set up, and makes you feel all that submissive yummyness. Write it down and give it to him. It could be things he says, things he does, a particular gesture, whatever. Basically, a cheat sheet.
Many submissives want their dominants to "just do it" but they honestly cannot read your mind. There is nothing wrong with making requests. He can then choose what he will do with it and it might humble you a bit to feel the emotions surrounding that.Many D/s relationships have no punishment component whatsoever. You should talk to your dominant about what, if any, he would like to incorporate.
While it can feel yummy to have rules, the more rules there are, the more he will have to enforce them or you will just break them, so it's probably best to keep them to a minimum.
My Daddy's philosophy is that spanking is for good girls & fun. There is no reward of attention for crappy behavior on my part, so I definitely try to keep it to a minimum.
Communication & transparency are super important, but it can be difficult if you have trust issues (is he going to use it against me, is he going to laugh at me, will he accept me, etc) to open up. It puts you in a vulnerable position. That can be a valuable place to be in and it certainly can feel very submissive. So perhaps explore some of that. Tell him some of your worries or fears, some fantasies you are excited/scared by, and lots of positive feedback for him (it was so hot when you did or I love it when you do ).
Just some thoughts. I hope they are of assistance.
Question was: How do I (as a submissive) stop being rude, argumentative and disobedient?
I think it's mostly a matter of practice, time and conscious effort.
Pause before you react or speak and process what he's saying and then respond in as thoughtful a manner as you can manage. Remember that he has feelings too and is also new. He's going to have to practice his dominance and the better the response he gets from you, the more likely he will to do it more.
It's a symbiotic thing.If you make his life miserable when he asks you for something simple, you will train him to ask for nothing. That might be a good reason to work on this behavior right there.
As Lucky Albatross has also advised before, think up 5 things that really pushes your buttons. Things that are simple, require little to no set up, and makes you feel all that submissive yummyness. Write it down and give it to him. It could be things he says, things he does, a particular gesture, whatever. Basically, a cheat sheet.
Many submissives want their dominants to "just do it" but they honestly cannot read your mind. There is nothing wrong with making requests. He can then choose what he will do with it and it might humble you a bit to feel the emotions surrounding that.Many D/s relationships have no punishment component whatsoever. You should talk to your dominant about what, if any, he would like to incorporate.
While it can feel yummy to have rules, the more rules there are, the more he will have to enforce them or you will just break them, so it's probably best to keep them to a minimum.
My Daddy's philosophy is that spanking is for good girls & fun. There is no reward of attention for crappy behavior on my part, so I definitely try to keep it to a minimum.
Communication & transparency are super important, but it can be difficult if you have trust issues (is he going to use it against me, is he going to laugh at me, will he accept me, etc) to open up. It puts you in a vulnerable position. That can be a valuable place to be in and it certainly can feel very submissive. So perhaps explore some of that. Tell him some of your worries or fears, some fantasies you are excited/scared by, and lots of positive feedback for him (it was so hot when you did or I love it when you do ).
Just some thoughts. I hope they are of assistance.
One day on Fetlife
Sometimes it's better just to blog.
A reply I just didn't feel like posting to Arizonan's comments.
In this "lifestyle" we are all playing fast and loose with words anyways. Summing people up in one word that you can label them with would be convenient, but is pretty ineffective.
We take words and make them sorta kinda fit whatever it is that we like or dislike, or what our lives/dynamics are like. But the real "getting to know people" comes when you talk and find out what makes them tick.
No one here is legally property, but we can certainly identify as that in our dynamic. I think people started migrating towards the term because slave was such a loaded one. It carries a lot of perceptions and misconceptions and expectations and baggage that are irritating to those who do things their own way.
For another example, your girl and I could both consider ourselves wives and yet live very very different lives.
Does the difference in how we are wives mean that one of us isn't really a wife at all? Does it mean that "wife" doesn't mean anything at all? Newp.
I could say "I am so & so's wife." Does that really tell you anything about me whatsoever? I might not even be legally wed. I could be in a "common law" marriage. We could be polygamous. After a bit of conversation, you might be able to figure out what it all means to me, but not just from one word. It might take some time and effort. You might find that your expectations and perceptions about marriage are totally non-applicable. You might find that those expectations, baggage, perceptions and misconceptions need to be discarded in future conversations with people because they apply less and less to the people you meet.
I think it's much better to dismiss those types of things, than people and how they identify and how they live. So cling to your words if you must. I will adapt to my environment and the people who inhabit it.
English is a fabulous language but it is not a simple one. It's constantly evolving and changing. Dialects and colloquialisms & slang abounds. Do you drink soda, pop, fizzy drink or coke? Do you sit on the sofa, chesterfield, loveseat, couch, setee or divan? Check out the urban dictionary sometime and see what words/phrases are developing/getting new meanings every day.
The language we speak now would be almost unrecognizable for Shakespeare or Chaucer. Shakespeare himself was constantly making up new words or defining them differently.
A reply I just didn't feel like posting to Arizonan's comments.
In this "lifestyle" we are all playing fast and loose with words anyways. Summing people up in one word that you can label them with would be convenient, but is pretty ineffective.
We take words and make them sorta kinda fit whatever it is that we like or dislike, or what our lives/dynamics are like. But the real "getting to know people" comes when you talk and find out what makes them tick.
No one here is legally property, but we can certainly identify as that in our dynamic. I think people started migrating towards the term because slave was such a loaded one. It carries a lot of perceptions and misconceptions and expectations and baggage that are irritating to those who do things their own way.
For another example, your girl and I could both consider ourselves wives and yet live very very different lives.
Does the difference in how we are wives mean that one of us isn't really a wife at all? Does it mean that "wife" doesn't mean anything at all? Newp.
I could say "I am so & so's wife." Does that really tell you anything about me whatsoever? I might not even be legally wed. I could be in a "common law" marriage. We could be polygamous. After a bit of conversation, you might be able to figure out what it all means to me, but not just from one word. It might take some time and effort. You might find that your expectations and perceptions about marriage are totally non-applicable. You might find that those expectations, baggage, perceptions and misconceptions need to be discarded in future conversations with people because they apply less and less to the people you meet.
I think it's much better to dismiss those types of things, than people and how they identify and how they live. So cling to your words if you must. I will adapt to my environment and the people who inhabit it.
English is a fabulous language but it is not a simple one. It's constantly evolving and changing. Dialects and colloquialisms & slang abounds. Do you drink soda, pop, fizzy drink or coke? Do you sit on the sofa, chesterfield, loveseat, couch, setee or divan? Check out the urban dictionary sometime and see what words/phrases are developing/getting new meanings every day.
The language we speak now would be almost unrecognizable for Shakespeare or Chaucer. Shakespeare himself was constantly making up new words or defining them differently.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Nomz
Wow.. what a day! My pitas turned out awesome even though I substituted whole wheat flour. They've got perfect little pockets just all excited and ready to be stuffed! The gyro burgers were good too. The taste was pretty close to a restaurant gyro after it was coated in tzatziki which set up perfectly and was as yummy as could be.
Then there was the hummus, which is a multi-pepper, spice and fresh basil mix. Delish with the pita. Just a perfect day of cooking. Not one thing turned out horrible and my kitchen isn't even too bad.
And the pie, with splenda instead of sugar, was just marvelous. I couldn't taste the difference between it and a sugar pie. I really liked the tang of the apple cider vinegar in there too.
I'm pretty beat now though, and stuffed to the gills with Greek goodness. I didn't get laundry done, but I still might do it today, or save it for tomorrow, which will be a work at home day.
In addition to domesticity, I've also been playing my game, Ikariam, for the final weekend before I set myself on vacation. I've been getting attacked repeatedly in my little towns, which is fine, but it's making the game more high maintenance than I have time for right now. In addition, I've got a friend on the game who whines constantly when he gets attacked and guilts me into helping him. It's very annoying, so I'm hoping to get a break from that too. He's being a tag a long and is also putting his account on vacation when I do. Did I mention he's a 40 year old Marine? I mean, grow up already. And stop whining! It's a fucking game.
He's got me on yahoo too, and for a while I pondered hooking up with him with Daddy's approval. Then I saw his pic and got my shallow face on. And then he started bleating like a lost fucking lamb every two seconds and any sort of attraction is completely gone. Bah!
Anyways, I was hoping for a big battle this weekend to really have a lot of fun and all was quiet until this morning and then shit went down, and I seriously kicked some ass. Against two players with huge military forces. Just took down their navy too. They've been itching for a fight for a couple weeks now. Nice guys about it though.
I like being a friendly player. Making friends with the enemy and keeping the battles to contests instead of pissing matches. It does feel good to win though. A special present to me that is well deserved I think. One of them emailed me to congratulate me and said he hasn't been that excited on the game in quite some time. It will take him a while to recover from his brutal ass raping courtesy of moi. And I didn't use any lube neither.
Speaking of lube, I need to buy more. I'm almost out of the bottle of Wet I have and have permission to buy more. I'll need a water based lube replacement, but I'd like to try something new, and perhaps a silicone lube as well, though I won't be able to use that with my silicone toys of course. Any suggestions?
Then there was the hummus, which is a multi-pepper, spice and fresh basil mix. Delish with the pita. Just a perfect day of cooking. Not one thing turned out horrible and my kitchen isn't even too bad.
And the pie, with splenda instead of sugar, was just marvelous. I couldn't taste the difference between it and a sugar pie. I really liked the tang of the apple cider vinegar in there too.
I'm pretty beat now though, and stuffed to the gills with Greek goodness. I didn't get laundry done, but I still might do it today, or save it for tomorrow, which will be a work at home day.
In addition to domesticity, I've also been playing my game, Ikariam, for the final weekend before I set myself on vacation. I've been getting attacked repeatedly in my little towns, which is fine, but it's making the game more high maintenance than I have time for right now. In addition, I've got a friend on the game who whines constantly when he gets attacked and guilts me into helping him. It's very annoying, so I'm hoping to get a break from that too. He's being a tag a long and is also putting his account on vacation when I do. Did I mention he's a 40 year old Marine? I mean, grow up already. And stop whining! It's a fucking game.
He's got me on yahoo too, and for a while I pondered hooking up with him with Daddy's approval. Then I saw his pic and got my shallow face on. And then he started bleating like a lost fucking lamb every two seconds and any sort of attraction is completely gone. Bah!
Anyways, I was hoping for a big battle this weekend to really have a lot of fun and all was quiet until this morning and then shit went down, and I seriously kicked some ass. Against two players with huge military forces. Just took down their navy too. They've been itching for a fight for a couple weeks now. Nice guys about it though.
I like being a friendly player. Making friends with the enemy and keeping the battles to contests instead of pissing matches. It does feel good to win though. A special present to me that is well deserved I think. One of them emailed me to congratulate me and said he hasn't been that excited on the game in quite some time. It will take him a while to recover from his brutal ass raping courtesy of moi. And I didn't use any lube neither.
Speaking of lube, I need to buy more. I'm almost out of the bottle of Wet I have and have permission to buy more. I'll need a water based lube replacement, but I'd like to try something new, and perhaps a silicone lube as well, though I won't be able to use that with my silicone toys of course. Any suggestions?
Baking Day!
Ah yes, more domestics. You'd think that's all I do really, but it's a big part of most people's lives I think. Or *should* be probably.
Today, on the agenda is laundry, baking and cooking. I've got lots of apples right now from my CSA, and they are big, fat, green ones, so I'm going to make a pie. I've had a boxed pie crust in my fridge for a bit, so I think it's time to make use of it and the apples all in one shot. I found this apple pie recipe that I'm going to try. I'll be substituting splenda for sugar and hoping it turns out well. I like this one because it calls for tart apples, which I have, and also has some cider vinegar in it. I have a big bottle of some lovely organic apple cider vinegar that's been gathering dust in my pantry, so even though it's just a tablespoon, I get to use some of it, dammit!
Today is Greek day also, so I'll be making hummous, pita bread, spiced burger and tzatziki. Actually, the tzatziki should be done now. It's been marinating and merging in the fridge for the last day so it should be very tasty indeed. My cucumbers were super sweet and refreshing and not bitter at all, so I think it will be brilliant!
So off I go to bake and cook. I'll be cranking the AC downstairs today with the oven having to be on a lot. Wish me luck!
Today, on the agenda is laundry, baking and cooking. I've got lots of apples right now from my CSA, and they are big, fat, green ones, so I'm going to make a pie. I've had a boxed pie crust in my fridge for a bit, so I think it's time to make use of it and the apples all in one shot. I found this apple pie recipe that I'm going to try. I'll be substituting splenda for sugar and hoping it turns out well. I like this one because it calls for tart apples, which I have, and also has some cider vinegar in it. I have a big bottle of some lovely organic apple cider vinegar that's been gathering dust in my pantry, so even though it's just a tablespoon, I get to use some of it, dammit!
Today is Greek day also, so I'll be making hummous, pita bread, spiced burger and tzatziki. Actually, the tzatziki should be done now. It's been marinating and merging in the fridge for the last day so it should be very tasty indeed. My cucumbers were super sweet and refreshing and not bitter at all, so I think it will be brilliant!
So off I go to bake and cook. I'll be cranking the AC downstairs today with the oven having to be on a lot. Wish me luck!
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