Smoking

I have been in the process of smoking cessation for over 18 months now. I've had a few people email me to ask about the "plan" I used, so I decided to copy my response to a blog entry in the hopes that it will help others too. I am now down to about 3 or 4 cigarettes a week and sometimes as little as 3-4 / month, depending on the month. My doctor does not consider my smoking to be at a level where it can affect my health, which is just one of the reasons I'm doing it.

So here's the email:

I think we all have those days where we just say "fuck it". I don't think there's anything wrong with it, except when it becomes our constant state of being. I don't have any easy or quick "cures" to smoking, but I'll relate to you what I have done and hope that it helps you too.

The biggest thing for me is that absolutes just make me want to rebel, and once I do, it makes me feel like I failed. Most people say you have to just "quit cold turkey" and never ever have another cigarette again. It's like that would be a magic smoke that would cause us to start back to smoking a pack a day and now have failed completely.

So I eliminated that from my plan. There is no absolutes and no failure. There is no "I quit smoking" there will always be "I'm quitting smoking". For me the difference was subtle, but necessary for my particular psychology.
A bit of background on me. I started smoking at 14 and at this point have smoked more years than I haven't. There's been a few years in between when I had quit "cold turkey" but it always seemed like in those moments of extreme stress, or because my friends/bf/co-workers were smoking, I ended up starting back on it. This happened at various times actually. I'd stop for a while, even a year or two at a time, but then back I'd go, and getting back up to a pack a day was easier and easier.

I realized that for me, as a woman on birth control, I had to stop smoking soon because I was nearing the age where they would refuse to prescribe it because I smoked. I have been told that over the years by doctors. In addition, the nasty taste I woke up to each morning became less and less tolerable, and of course the environment here in the US is not very tolerant of smokers. Visits to non-smoking homes made me realize how gross my own dwelling smelled. On top of all of that, my Daddy didn't want me to smoke either. So we worked up a plan together.

I have certain "rules" about smoking and follow them. This is not BDSM rules, but more of a code of behavior to help quit. I have done the cold turkey route before as I said, and it worked for a while at least, but I always ended up starting up again. Now, since I don't intend to ever fully quit, there's nothing to start up. I don't ever fail because the rules are in place and I just follow them.

The "rules" are flexible because there are no absolutes in this. They are guidelines that can help me, but life will often upset even the best laid plans.

1. Set a limit.

Basically, I can have 1 cigarette a day. That was how I weaned myself off. When I got those inevitable cravings, I could usually stem them off by reassuring myself that I could have a cigarette tomorrow. Or, I would have my one cigarette for the day and satisfy the cravings.

2. Home environment.

I no longer smoke in my home at all. However, I've even made exceptions to that once in a while when I have a smoker friend over and we end up smoking socially.

2. Purchasing.

I don't buy cigarettes. I've broken this one before while going on vacation last year, but for over a year now this has held true. I didn't beat myself up over it, I just tried to stick to "one a day" until they were gone and then didn't buy more.

3. Friends & Social Smoking.

If I don't buy them, obviously I get them somewhere. I'm allowed to bum them off people, but my own politeness generally keeps me from doing this often. Now when I smoke, it's usually with my business partner and is mostly a social thing so we can connect and touch base and keep communication open.

The key for me, I think, is the lack of absolutes. I don't ever fail at it. I just take it one day at a time. Usually now I don't even have cravings, but on the occasions I do, I am allowed to have one. And even when I'm in the highly triggering situations like being around lots of smokers and drinking, I make a plan before the situation arises and allow myself a certain amount for the weekend/night. Generally, Daddy helps me set the boundaries, but there's no punishment if I go over. I just try very hard not to.

At this point, the day to day stuff isn't hard. The occasional party is more challenging, but generally the after effects of having too many cigarettes the night before helps quell the urge to smoke again for a while. I suppose for me, I'm just unlearning to smoke like I learned to smoke. Gradually and organically. I mean, I definitely did not start off smoking a pack a day. I started off sneaking one or two with friends at school and it was definitely a social activity. I just put it back into that category of occasional social activity like drinking.

This is long and rambling but I hope it helps. :)