A long long time ago

... I actually wrote a journal or blog regularly. As so many things fall away and new things take their place, I suppose this is one of them. I miss it sometimes but I try not to feel all guilty-fail over it. I'll just do my best to update it when I can.

Lots of things have been going on. X and I are closer than ever, really tight with a great friendship bond. We've been doing the munch and bdsm social circuit and meeting all sorts of new people and making lots of friends. It's been lovely. :)

D was kind enough to allow me to make a playdate with X last night. It was really fantastic. I was very nervous because its been a very long time since I've had an impact play session, and never with someone with the wide variety of implements that X has. And also never with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with, so there were lots of firsts.

I had no idea how I would react. I didn't know if I'd start screaming, trying to dodge blows, squirming, crying, become stoic, shut down, etc. So there were nerves about that. But when it came down to it, it was terrific. It felt good, even when it hurt. I got to feel the sensations of lots of things I was scared of, like canes and a horsetail flogger, a knotted & braided cat and a dragon's tail. That's why it's a good idea to try things you are afraid of, you get to either confirm the fear or lay it to rest. Besides, the nerves are half the fun (easy to say in hindsight).

On the kitty front, Melody is doing very well. She's still got a stuffy nose, but she's put on weight and her coat feels much fuller and softer. She's still a scaredy cat, though, and I'm not sure why. I suspect she may have some hearing and vision problems as she never seems to recognize me and often sleeps through me entering the room.

It looks like I will be moving to Texas soon. I think I've mentioned my ex L before. We are very close friends and business associates, and he's convinced me that I need to move closer for the benefit of my business and finances. I'm pretty sad about leaving X behind and of course all my other many wonderful friends here, but I feel like it's time. L's girlfriend, N, is also very enthusiastic about me moving close, and I feel pretty good about it too. It's rough because I've built such a wonderful support system here, but the change and opportunities are exciting. So boxing up and purging is on the agenda for the next while. I figure if I can get a good majority taken care of, that I can live with very few items out.

It's hard to say when it will actually happen. Anywhere between a month and 6 months is the guess, but it depends on when we can find a suitable house and L can get up here, help me pack up a truck and then drive the kitties and I down. I'll be moving to the greater Houston area.

I'm pretty worried about making the move with Melody. I'm really hoping I can find someone to take her before that happens. She's made some great strides, but with my bully, Simple, around, we've taken a lot of setbacks too. I worry that the trip will be too long (18 hours in the car) and stressful and she'll end up really sick.

Ah well. I'll deal with that when I get to it.

I'll be spending the weekend off at munch and playparty so that should be fun. I may even get the balls up to play in public. We'll see.

D and I are still doing great. It's in that comfort zone level where I'm rarely fretful about where things are going or how he feels about me. It feels good to feel secure and happy and supported in my explorations and fun. I know I can rely on him to be there for me with great advice and a caring heart, and that's really important to me. We've both been super busy but still manage to make time for each other. I'm very lucky. :)

Social Hour

Gah! I was halfway through a post and totally lost the whole thing when firefox crashed. So annoying!

Anyways, I went out for Indian food today with a lovely new friend I met on OK cupid. She just moved here with her quad from Cali and we had a great conversation about a full range of topics. It was one of those nice, flowing, non-awkward get togethers that just works. We've only emailed a couple times so we are virtually strangers with tons of undiscovered information to share. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her more.

And she's kinky.

Subtly dropped into the conversation as she talked about the local munch she'd be attending that evening and about her part time slave back in Cali. We didn't get into details but I had suspected she was. I'm telling you, I only ever meet poly/kinky people on OKCupid. I really like their setup over there.

At some point I might go to a munch with her and her family. It's been a while for me and would be nice to hang with kinky folks again in a real time setting. I always have concern about the drama element, but I suppose it's present everywhere and one just has to deal with it. I know Daddy would like me to get out in the community more and try to find someone to scratch the itch locally, and so would I to a certain extent. On the other hand, I've had so many crappy, emotionally/mentally devoid play partners, or have just been uninterested in the kinky guys I've met locally.

At one time I was even quite social and dating frequently. I met lots of guys on various personals or websites and a few ended up in my bed or pissing on me or doing other dirty things, but on the whole they just have been lacking. It makes me feel rather meh about the whole situation, though I know that there's other people out there who I'd be more compatible with.

I'm just really really OVER the emotionless, NSA sexual get togethers. I understand the appeal. I've enjoyed them in the past. But I don't like to have to compartmentalize myself, especially not with people I'm fucking. I'm totally ok with having friends that I fuck. In fact, that's what I want. I generally have strong feelings and love towards my friends with no ill repercussions, so why do I have to strip it out of my sexual relations? I don't need a romantic relationship with them, but I also don't want to have to be so guarded and aloof. I can do that just fine thanks. ;)

Anyways, we'll see what will happen. I would certainly prefer if Daddy would just be able to come over and fuck me, but he's far away and his cock just isn't that long. I'd be scared if it were, come to think of it.

--------

Despite having a good day and week all in all, I haven't been feeling very well. My tummy's been hella grumpy again. I probably ate something that pissed it off. I'll have to look at my food journal and try to figure out what it was. So irritating.

I went into Planned Parenthood this past Wednesday for my yearly and to get some STI tests done. Now my arm looks like someone hit me with a hammer. I got blood tests, and despite warning the phlebotomist that I have tiny squirrelly veins she managed to collapse it. At least the blood came out. It's been a while since I got blood work done and the needle really didn't hurt much at all.

So I'm thinking that trying out needles for play might be interesting. I've never had anyone into doing them before, but Daddy is for sure.

Well there was one guy that I went on ONE date with and he got drunk and was driving. That was the last time I saw him. He kept talking about this chick he tied up and stuck needles in her tits as he was polishing off his 4th beer in that hour. Yeah. Creepy.

I've actually been considering needle play for a couple years now. I figure I can always tap out if it's too much, but seriously, how bad is it? Anyone want to share? I've heard that the endorphin rush can be intense.