Taking in Strays

It's been quite some time since I wrote in my journal. Seems like just yesterday when I was writing in it everyday religiously. I've been thinking the last few weeks that I needed to get on it and write something, but haven't up till now. I want to try to write at least a bit everyday, but we'll see what happens. :)

I've been inordinately busy this season. Work has been grueling and has kept me from home and in the shop more often than not. I'm anticipating a move sometime in the next few months hopefully. There's a great spot nearby with workshop/retail space up front and a large studio apartment in the back. The apartment needs some work, like a larger sink in the kitchen, more cupboards, a washer/dryer hookup and then the bathroom needs a tub. But, the space is very cool. :)

It's mostly a matter of money and negotiation with the landlord at this point. Calculations wise it should be a bit cheaper to live and heat/electrocize the place, plus I'll be on the ground floor, have my own driveway, and possibly space to put in an urban garden and composter. That's pretty exciting. :)

Anyways, in addition to that, I attended my first munch in god knows how many years (probably 7 or so) with my friend X. We had a great time and met a bunch of fun folks. I was sitting next to a rather troubled lady on my left who was not having a happy night of it. She kind of reminded me of the drama at these things that I try to avoid. At any rate, I didn't let her get me down. X was lots of fun and there was a great many opportunities for laughter.

I met a cute boi (T) there as well who I was hoping to get to talk to more, but she was sitting too far away. That's one thing I don't like at all about these restaurant munches. It's nice to be able to sit and eat and all, but it's harder to socialize with people who aren't immediately around you. Since folks tend to sit with those they know well, it's unlikely they'll be able to make new friends. T and I exchanged numbers and she indicated an interest in coming up to visit my shop and that's how it was left.

T ended up making an appointment, then emailing to cancel it. She was living with the unhappy lady who was sitting beside me at the munch, and 2 other people and had been told to leave. After some consultation with D, I invited her to come and stay with me for a week while she tried to get things sorted and find a spot to live. I believe that was August 11, and she's been living here since.

We've formed a rather close bond which D knows about and has been encouraging of. I'd like to see T built a stable environment for herself first, and then continue her search for a permanent service placement, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. She's very impulsive and really wants to find a permanent place with a Domme.

I wish I could provide that for her, but I don't think it's in me. I like to play with and top her, but ownership is just not in my purview. I also can't afford a dependent. If she wants to stay, she has to at least cover any additional expenses caused by her living here, plus help around the place.

Admittedly, I'm enjoying having her here. She's very sweet and has made me appreciate cuddling a lot more. In fact, I've not been on my computer nearly as often because we are hanging out so much together.

Last weekend, X came over on Saturday to go to a local festival and then have a sleepover. We ended up co-topping T much of the afternoon, night and then the next day. X's style of play suits mine very well, which leans more towards the gleefully sadistic side. There's not oodles of barking order and such, just lots of laughter and poking with sticks. It was good fun. Poor T was reduced to tears on more than one occasion.

She and I had a bit of a debrief the next day and I found out that she hadn't really explored that side before, and was more into sensual domination. She's also been struggling with bratting, which I can relate to. It's been a long time since I've done it, but I think the turning point for me was learning that I can ask for what I want, instead of trying to instigate bad attention all the time. Having someone who is open to real communication, even if the news is bad, is extremely helpful for this. Being respectful and thoughtful helps a bunch too admittedly.

At any rate, I'm hoping to explore my own toppy side more with T this coming weekend. X, T and myself are all headed out for some camping with other kinksters. Since we know practically nobody, it should be very interesting. I'm hoping to make lots of friends in the area, and it would be nice to find a home for T as well. I'm totally torn. I'd love her to stay because I'm enjoying her company a great deal, but I really just hope she stays in the area so we can continue to be friends.

D has also been super busy the past month or so. Lots of family obligations and extremely busy at work. I've been grateful that I've had so much social time so I don't mope so much. It's been really hard still though, because I feel like we don't have the time just to talk about what's been going on day to day. A lot of routines have been put aside because of necessity and not having the time for it and then the presence of T in the home. He and I discussed it though, and will be working to re-institute those again.

I tend to get kind of antsy when I don't have lots of direction from him. It makes me feel adrift and sad. I mean yes, I can function just fine without him telling me what to do, but that is one of many things that bind us together and when it's gone, I miss it a lot. We haven't had much time for him to use me either, and the times that have been available have ended up being missed opportunities. Either because of my health, or his, or interruptions, or whatever. It'll be nice to get some of that back soon.

Poly vs Swinging

Inspired by Master JB's post on this topic.

I have long identified as Poly, but started questioning myself when I associated with other poly people and heard the various definitions for the plethora of ways you can be open to more than one. After a while, I decided that definitions and labels were way too limiting for me in yet another realm.

As a complex human, I can happily pair bond with another person. I can do the typical falling in love, head over heels, googly eyed for them. At the same time, I could be open to having a casual sexual affair with someone without them, or with them. I could casually date other people, and possibly fall in love with them. I could screw with no thought for anything but a night with one or more partners.

In the monogamy world, no one questions a person's ability to BE monogamous just because they are casually dating and/or screwing a few people. They are just "shopping around" for their mate. It confused me that it was looked down on in the poly community. "That's just swinging", it's said.

Also, depending on who I'm involved with, the boundaries and potential can change. Add on a layer of kink and control, and things can get even more confusing.

So I suppose I will change my label to lovingly non-monogamous. I can love, I can lust, I can be committed and loyal, I can be casual and a free spirit. I can do all these things at the same time.

So, for me, I think the label is less important than figuring out, with whoever you're involved with, just what things sound good or scary or yucky and such to you. With that said, though, there's always the potential that something comes along that you weren't expecting, weren't looking for, but turns into a deliciously cozy fit for everyone.

So it's good to talk talk talk it out, but merely saying "I'm poly" and expecting any other person to define it the same way you do is unlikely. Discuss what flavors you like. What scenarios are appealing. And always care for what you already have.