A long long time ago

... I actually wrote a journal or blog regularly. As so many things fall away and new things take their place, I suppose this is one of them. I miss it sometimes but I try not to feel all guilty-fail over it. I'll just do my best to update it when I can.

Lots of things have been going on. X and I are closer than ever, really tight with a great friendship bond. We've been doing the munch and bdsm social circuit and meeting all sorts of new people and making lots of friends. It's been lovely. :)

D was kind enough to allow me to make a playdate with X last night. It was really fantastic. I was very nervous because its been a very long time since I've had an impact play session, and never with someone with the wide variety of implements that X has. And also never with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with, so there were lots of firsts.

I had no idea how I would react. I didn't know if I'd start screaming, trying to dodge blows, squirming, crying, become stoic, shut down, etc. So there were nerves about that. But when it came down to it, it was terrific. It felt good, even when it hurt. I got to feel the sensations of lots of things I was scared of, like canes and a horsetail flogger, a knotted & braided cat and a dragon's tail. That's why it's a good idea to try things you are afraid of, you get to either confirm the fear or lay it to rest. Besides, the nerves are half the fun (easy to say in hindsight).

On the kitty front, Melody is doing very well. She's still got a stuffy nose, but she's put on weight and her coat feels much fuller and softer. She's still a scaredy cat, though, and I'm not sure why. I suspect she may have some hearing and vision problems as she never seems to recognize me and often sleeps through me entering the room.

It looks like I will be moving to Texas soon. I think I've mentioned my ex L before. We are very close friends and business associates, and he's convinced me that I need to move closer for the benefit of my business and finances. I'm pretty sad about leaving X behind and of course all my other many wonderful friends here, but I feel like it's time. L's girlfriend, N, is also very enthusiastic about me moving close, and I feel pretty good about it too. It's rough because I've built such a wonderful support system here, but the change and opportunities are exciting. So boxing up and purging is on the agenda for the next while. I figure if I can get a good majority taken care of, that I can live with very few items out.

It's hard to say when it will actually happen. Anywhere between a month and 6 months is the guess, but it depends on when we can find a suitable house and L can get up here, help me pack up a truck and then drive the kitties and I down. I'll be moving to the greater Houston area.

I'm pretty worried about making the move with Melody. I'm really hoping I can find someone to take her before that happens. She's made some great strides, but with my bully, Simple, around, we've taken a lot of setbacks too. I worry that the trip will be too long (18 hours in the car) and stressful and she'll end up really sick.

Ah well. I'll deal with that when I get to it.

I'll be spending the weekend off at munch and playparty so that should be fun. I may even get the balls up to play in public. We'll see.

D and I are still doing great. It's in that comfort zone level where I'm rarely fretful about where things are going or how he feels about me. It feels good to feel secure and happy and supported in my explorations and fun. I know I can rely on him to be there for me with great advice and a caring heart, and that's really important to me. We've both been super busy but still manage to make time for each other. I'm very lucky. :)

Nomz

Wow.. what a day! My pitas turned out awesome even though I substituted whole wheat flour. They've got perfect little pockets just all excited and ready to be stuffed! The gyro burgers were good too. The taste was pretty close to a restaurant gyro after it was coated in tzatziki which set up perfectly and was as yummy as could be.

Then there was the hummus, which is a multi-pepper, spice and fresh basil mix. Delish with the pita. Just a perfect day of cooking. Not one thing turned out horrible and my kitchen isn't even too bad.

And the pie, with splenda instead of sugar, was just marvelous. I couldn't taste the difference between it and a sugar pie. I really liked the tang of the apple cider vinegar in there too.

I'm pretty beat now though, and stuffed to the gills with Greek goodness. I didn't get laundry done, but I still might do it today, or save it for tomorrow, which will be a work at home day.

In addition to domesticity, I've also been playing my game, Ikariam, for the final weekend before I set myself on vacation. I've been getting attacked repeatedly in my little towns, which is fine, but it's making the game more high maintenance than I have time for right now. In addition, I've got a friend on the game who whines constantly when he gets attacked and guilts me into helping him. It's very annoying, so I'm hoping to get a break from that too. He's being a tag a long and is also putting his account on vacation when I do. Did I mention he's a 40 year old Marine? I mean, grow up already. And stop whining! It's a fucking game.

He's got me on yahoo too, and for a while I pondered hooking up with him with Daddy's approval. Then I saw his pic and got my shallow face on. And then he started bleating like a lost fucking lamb every two seconds and any sort of attraction is completely gone. Bah!

Anyways, I was hoping for a big battle this weekend to really have a lot of fun and all was quiet until this morning and then shit went down, and I seriously kicked some ass. Against two players with huge military forces. Just took down their navy too. They've been itching for a fight for a couple weeks now. Nice guys about it though.

I like being a friendly player. Making friends with the enemy and keeping the battles to contests instead of pissing matches. It does feel good to win though. A special present to me that is well deserved I think. One of them emailed me to congratulate me and said he hasn't been that excited on the game in quite some time. It will take him a while to recover from his brutal ass raping courtesy of moi. And I didn't use any lube neither.

Speaking of lube, I need to buy more. I'm almost out of the bottle of Wet I have and have permission to buy more. I'll need a water based lube replacement, but I'd like to try something new, and perhaps a silicone lube as well, though I won't be able to use that with my silicone toys of course. Any suggestions?

Journaling

So I haven't been journaling regularly lately. Oh, no, not here of course. I started this public blog not too long ago, but I've been keeping a journal privately for over a year now. I get bored easily, so it could be that I started getting bored with the journal. It just seemed more of a rundown of the day's activities or events rather than anything of value.

There was a lot of "I worked today and this is what I worked on" and "this weekend my plans are" and "here's my list of chores I hope to get done today". I mean, really boring stuff. God love Daddy for ploughing through and reading it despite the lack of any sort of excitement.

We are just pretty boring I suppose. There's not a lot of drama between the two of us unless I've got hormones to combat, which I do currently. Speaking of which, anyone want to buy a slightly used uterus? I don't want it anymore.

Hormones make me wonky. Like really irrational and sometimes filled with rage. It's gotten worse as I get older, but at least now I can start detecting the signs of it and put of major decision making until I'm stablized. Because sometimes I get ideas in my head like.. maybe I should just run in front of a bus or.. I can't do this thing with Daddy anymore.. or just running away and hiding in general. It's a really gross feeling and while I do have some stress and I don't have an ideal relationship considering he's 3 timezones away, I'm pretty fucking content all in all. Certainly not "dart in front of bus" territory.

The mere thought of not having Daddy in my life makes me feel like I can't breath, so that certainly seems like a dumb choice. And the running away part.. well run to where exactly? I don't drive and I'm not much of a runner anyways. Probably best to just go and take a nap at that point.

This is where my procrastination pays off, because I can procrastinate on such plans until, say, hormones aren't making me crazy and then if I STILL want to, I can always do it later. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But anyways, when I feel like that (yesterday) I make sure to let Daddy know right away. Hopefully, that keeps him in the loop so he knows when I might say crazy, insecure, out of character shit. I get all weepy too, which is annoying as well as messy. And dwell. I just dwell on every fucking thing. Like if Daddy pokes fun at me and I'm being all over sensitive, I just fret and dwell on that thing until I'm a stupid mess.

Fortunately, I know what it is now and that can help sort of. At least I know there's an end in sight. Generally when the clots arrive. Which is it's own special level of hell. I seem to require some sort of leakage from some oriface or another. Happy day for the birth control pill!. I avoid most of that crap by tri-cycling. 4 periods a year, if that, but they are more severe admittedly. I deal though, better than 12, even if more mild.

So where was I? Oh yes, journalling. So, new plan for the moment at least. I figure Daddy and I talk all the time anyways about life, everyday stuff, sex, nomming and the like, so writing that down separately just seems silly. Any issues I have I pretty much bring straight to him, so I don't necessarily need a "safe" place to talk about that. As you can tell from this writing, I'm a babbler. And I have ADD. Shiny!

...

And I have this public blog thingy. So why not just write stuff here? Which may bring some feedback or conversations with other people, and may not, but either way I can discuss other stuff, and kind of keep track of some of my thoughts and reflections here. If I try to cram too much into my brainz, it leaks out my ears and that's not a good way to keep track.

So, beyond all this stuff, topic for the day is my fabulous new toy that Daddy boughted and sent me. It's from Extreme Restraints. OMG I love that store. I've bought so much stuff there and the prices are the best evah!

My favoritest toy is my wand. Mr Hitachi. My boyfriend. And of course his different hats. I have two hats for him. Actually, I should call him Mr. Hitachi 2. I broke the first one. After a month. I swear, it was flawed somehow! Not my fault! Fortunately, the kind folks who made him let me return him and sent me a brand new one. Yayz! Thank you makers of Mr. Hitachi. I heart him. I might have hearted him too much and that's why he broke, but I admit to nothing.

So now my bf has 3 hats! The third arrived today and looks so lovely. It's all knobby. Actually, see it for yourself here. I can't wait to get a chance to use it, which will likely be tonight if I'm lucky.

Ok, my brain shorted out just thinking about it.

If you don't have a bf of your own, you should definitely get one. Disclaimer: May cause carpal tunnel. Just sayin'. Yeah, I'm getting carpal tunnel. I only mostly think it's the wand. It might also be caused by computer work (was doing that before the wand) or by being a seamstress (also doing long before the wand) but have avoided symptoms until the arrival of my bf. I need to figure out how to make some sort of hump-o-matic seat thingy so I don't hurt my hand any worse. It's really getting bad. :(

But yay for new toys!