So it's been a while! I'm not going to beat myself up for it. First, it's D's job to beat me up, and second, I've been insanely busy the past few months.
A bit of a summary to catch you up:
Still with D, still long distance, still lovin' it despite the distance.
I moved to Texas! Zomg! So the move came together splendidly despite the huge amounts of logistics involved. I had to pack up my apartment of 10 years and my business, arrange for a truck and a driver, coordinate a work crew, figure out a schedule and save up money. And I did it! It was a huge undertaking that would never have been accomplished without the help of my friends. I had about 20 people show up on moving day all told and they have my undying gratitude. I am truly blessed with people who care. *tear* I miss em!
I moved in with L - my ex (we split in late 2003) and his lovely girlfriend N. I've been here since late February and things are going well with the exception of a few hiccups. That's to be expected though. I'm looking forward to getting my $$ saved up and finding my own place. I'm sure they are too!
Living with L means I'm also living with one of my stepsons again! It's weird, but I'm just thrilled about that part. T is a great kid and just turned 18 in February. He just enlisted in the Navy a couple weeks ago and is in a Delayed Entry Program. He won't be going to boot camp until late October so he's been working on various tasks to increase his rating. Strangely enough, he can enter boot camp as an E3 if he plays his cards right. I'm super proud of him because this was a decision he made on his own volition. He came up with the idea and followed through, doing research to find the job he wanted, talking to the recruiters and L (who was in the Navy years ago) and just being totally smart about it. I know he's going to do fabulously!
Shortly after I arrived, long story short, we became the caretakers of 3 two-week-old kittens. A few weeks of bottle feeding and momma care later, they are now rambunctious, potty trained and solid food eatin' cuddle monkeys. I calculate their birthdate around April 1 so you do the math. Our original intent was to adopt them out. Uh yeah.. not gonna happen. lol
So now we have 10 cats. ah ah ah! (that's the count from Sesame Street for those of you who didn't get it). Holy Christ. It's a good thing this house is large otherwise it'd split at the seams and furballs would pour out. I can't be blamed for the sheer numbers this time though. I brought 3 - Morris, Simple and Melody (yes, I still have her) and L & N had 4 - Leo, Domino, Figaro and Sparkle Boo. I voted against taking the kittens, mostly because I knew that I wouldn't trust anyone else to raise "my babies", but now we have them. As predicted, I'm in love. :)
I have a shit load of work to get done so I'm gonna cut it off there. I am going to try to journal every now and again. I actually enjoy it. :)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
A long long time ago
... I actually wrote a journal or blog regularly. As so many things fall away and new things take their place, I suppose this is one of them. I miss it sometimes but I try not to feel all guilty-fail over it. I'll just do my best to update it when I can.
Lots of things have been going on. X and I are closer than ever, really tight with a great friendship bond. We've been doing the munch and bdsm social circuit and meeting all sorts of new people and making lots of friends. It's been lovely. :)
D was kind enough to allow me to make a playdate with X last night. It was really fantastic. I was very nervous because its been a very long time since I've had an impact play session, and never with someone with the wide variety of implements that X has. And also never with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with, so there were lots of firsts.
I had no idea how I would react. I didn't know if I'd start screaming, trying to dodge blows, squirming, crying, become stoic, shut down, etc. So there were nerves about that. But when it came down to it, it was terrific. It felt good, even when it hurt. I got to feel the sensations of lots of things I was scared of, like canes and a horsetail flogger, a knotted & braided cat and a dragon's tail. That's why it's a good idea to try things you are afraid of, you get to either confirm the fear or lay it to rest. Besides, the nerves are half the fun (easy to say in hindsight).
On the kitty front, Melody is doing very well. She's still got a stuffy nose, but she's put on weight and her coat feels much fuller and softer. She's still a scaredy cat, though, and I'm not sure why. I suspect she may have some hearing and vision problems as she never seems to recognize me and often sleeps through me entering the room.
It looks like I will be moving to Texas soon. I think I've mentioned my ex L before. We are very close friends and business associates, and he's convinced me that I need to move closer for the benefit of my business and finances. I'm pretty sad about leaving X behind and of course all my other many wonderful friends here, but I feel like it's time. L's girlfriend, N, is also very enthusiastic about me moving close, and I feel pretty good about it too. It's rough because I've built such a wonderful support system here, but the change and opportunities are exciting. So boxing up and purging is on the agenda for the next while. I figure if I can get a good majority taken care of, that I can live with very few items out.
It's hard to say when it will actually happen. Anywhere between a month and 6 months is the guess, but it depends on when we can find a suitable house and L can get up here, help me pack up a truck and then drive the kitties and I down. I'll be moving to the greater Houston area.
I'm pretty worried about making the move with Melody. I'm really hoping I can find someone to take her before that happens. She's made some great strides, but with my bully, Simple, around, we've taken a lot of setbacks too. I worry that the trip will be too long (18 hours in the car) and stressful and she'll end up really sick.
Ah well. I'll deal with that when I get to it.
I'll be spending the weekend off at munch and playparty so that should be fun. I may even get the balls up to play in public. We'll see.
D and I are still doing great. It's in that comfort zone level where I'm rarely fretful about where things are going or how he feels about me. It feels good to feel secure and happy and supported in my explorations and fun. I know I can rely on him to be there for me with great advice and a caring heart, and that's really important to me. We've both been super busy but still manage to make time for each other. I'm very lucky. :)
Lots of things have been going on. X and I are closer than ever, really tight with a great friendship bond. We've been doing the munch and bdsm social circuit and meeting all sorts of new people and making lots of friends. It's been lovely. :)
D was kind enough to allow me to make a playdate with X last night. It was really fantastic. I was very nervous because its been a very long time since I've had an impact play session, and never with someone with the wide variety of implements that X has. And also never with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with, so there were lots of firsts.
I had no idea how I would react. I didn't know if I'd start screaming, trying to dodge blows, squirming, crying, become stoic, shut down, etc. So there were nerves about that. But when it came down to it, it was terrific. It felt good, even when it hurt. I got to feel the sensations of lots of things I was scared of, like canes and a horsetail flogger, a knotted & braided cat and a dragon's tail. That's why it's a good idea to try things you are afraid of, you get to either confirm the fear or lay it to rest. Besides, the nerves are half the fun (easy to say in hindsight).
On the kitty front, Melody is doing very well. She's still got a stuffy nose, but she's put on weight and her coat feels much fuller and softer. She's still a scaredy cat, though, and I'm not sure why. I suspect she may have some hearing and vision problems as she never seems to recognize me and often sleeps through me entering the room.
It looks like I will be moving to Texas soon. I think I've mentioned my ex L before. We are very close friends and business associates, and he's convinced me that I need to move closer for the benefit of my business and finances. I'm pretty sad about leaving X behind and of course all my other many wonderful friends here, but I feel like it's time. L's girlfriend, N, is also very enthusiastic about me moving close, and I feel pretty good about it too. It's rough because I've built such a wonderful support system here, but the change and opportunities are exciting. So boxing up and purging is on the agenda for the next while. I figure if I can get a good majority taken care of, that I can live with very few items out.
It's hard to say when it will actually happen. Anywhere between a month and 6 months is the guess, but it depends on when we can find a suitable house and L can get up here, help me pack up a truck and then drive the kitties and I down. I'll be moving to the greater Houston area.
I'm pretty worried about making the move with Melody. I'm really hoping I can find someone to take her before that happens. She's made some great strides, but with my bully, Simple, around, we've taken a lot of setbacks too. I worry that the trip will be too long (18 hours in the car) and stressful and she'll end up really sick.
Ah well. I'll deal with that when I get to it.
I'll be spending the weekend off at munch and playparty so that should be fun. I may even get the balls up to play in public. We'll see.
D and I are still doing great. It's in that comfort zone level where I'm rarely fretful about where things are going or how he feels about me. It feels good to feel secure and happy and supported in my explorations and fun. I know I can rely on him to be there for me with great advice and a caring heart, and that's really important to me. We've both been super busy but still manage to make time for each other. I'm very lucky. :)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Kitty update!
It turns out baby kitty is not a baby after all, she's an 8-10 year old female kitty who appears to not have a spay scar nor any signs of having been pregnant ever. Her spay scar may just be really old. We'll see if she goes into heat or not. And.. she has a name, Melody. I may end up changing it as her personality comes out, but for now, that is her name because she likes to sing (purr) to me.
Melody is doing pretty well. I did take her in to the local rescue for a check up and to sign her up for their foster program, but she was rejected. :( She's too old and sickly for them to put an effort into. I understand, there are healthier, younger pets who have a better chance of being homed.
Anyways, she's living with me for now, and perhaps forever depending on how my boys take to her. Morris is no problem, but Simple is a bully, so we'll see how it works out. I took her to another vet who was able to check her out and prescribe some meds to get her upper respiratory infection cleared up along with dewormer and earmites. The folks at the shelter "accidentally" gave her flea meds, so now that problem is also taken care of.
I'm working on getting her symptom free so I can start introductions with the boys. But.. if someone is looking for a pet cat, perhaps for themselves or an elderly relative as a companion/lap cat, I am looking for a home for her still. She's a sweet girl with a black face, a little white spot on her chest, an auburn tail and brown legs. She's not patchy like a calico. Her fur blends seamlessly from one color to the next.
Melody is doing pretty well. I did take her in to the local rescue for a check up and to sign her up for their foster program, but she was rejected. :( She's too old and sickly for them to put an effort into. I understand, there are healthier, younger pets who have a better chance of being homed.
Anyways, she's living with me for now, and perhaps forever depending on how my boys take to her. Morris is no problem, but Simple is a bully, so we'll see how it works out. I took her to another vet who was able to check her out and prescribe some meds to get her upper respiratory infection cleared up along with dewormer and earmites. The folks at the shelter "accidentally" gave her flea meds, so now that problem is also taken care of.
I'm working on getting her symptom free so I can start introductions with the boys. But.. if someone is looking for a pet cat, perhaps for themselves or an elderly relative as a companion/lap cat, I am looking for a home for her still. She's a sweet girl with a black face, a little white spot on her chest, an auburn tail and brown legs. She's not patchy like a calico. Her fur blends seamlessly from one color to the next.
Tell it to your Mama
I'm so over toxic people who bring drama into my life. Goodbye and stay away.
No, I'm not leaving Fetlife nor am I particularly angry or flouncing or anything. I just had to come to the realization for myself that there are some folks that I can't be friends with. They are bad for me and I end up not liking who I am around them.
I also realize that I am doing something to attract this sort of person into my life. I am, despite some appearances, rather a compassionate person, sometimes to my own detriment. Usually, it is absolutely the right thing to help someone out, especially a friend, if they need you. But I need to be better at spotting who I *shouldn't* help.
My safety, stability and happiness does have to take priority over that of a stranger. It's an old lesson from my teen years that I seem to have forgotten lately. But, I don't like that "me" either. Being crusty and having up walls up all the time to keep other people out is not the right thing for me either.
So where is the middle ground where I'm better at vetting those who need, deserve and appreciate the help rather than those who will take and take and take and then drag my name through the mud when I say enough is enough?
I don't want to be the closed off creature from yesteryear, but I also don't want to be a moron and get myself taken advantage by the lusers (loser + user) of this world. I know my friends usually have a better eye than I do. I probably should rely on them more when it comes to this. D warned me that I could be bringing drama into my house this last time around, but supported me trying to help someone out. I suppose the risk of drama doesn't seem that bothersome until I'm embroiled in it.
It seems my extremist personality is rearing it's head again. I joke that it's my Libra self trying to balance things out through being one way or another, but rarely moderate. So I guess in this situation I find myself either very compassionate or very cynical. Perhaps that is the blend that attracts drama queens to it.
No, I'm not leaving Fetlife nor am I particularly angry or flouncing or anything. I just had to come to the realization for myself that there are some folks that I can't be friends with. They are bad for me and I end up not liking who I am around them.
I also realize that I am doing something to attract this sort of person into my life. I am, despite some appearances, rather a compassionate person, sometimes to my own detriment. Usually, it is absolutely the right thing to help someone out, especially a friend, if they need you. But I need to be better at spotting who I *shouldn't* help.
My safety, stability and happiness does have to take priority over that of a stranger. It's an old lesson from my teen years that I seem to have forgotten lately. But, I don't like that "me" either. Being crusty and having up walls up all the time to keep other people out is not the right thing for me either.
So where is the middle ground where I'm better at vetting those who need, deserve and appreciate the help rather than those who will take and take and take and then drag my name through the mud when I say enough is enough?
I don't want to be the closed off creature from yesteryear, but I also don't want to be a moron and get myself taken advantage by the lusers (loser + user) of this world. I know my friends usually have a better eye than I do. I probably should rely on them more when it comes to this. D warned me that I could be bringing drama into my house this last time around, but supported me trying to help someone out. I suppose the risk of drama doesn't seem that bothersome until I'm embroiled in it.
It seems my extremist personality is rearing it's head again. I joke that it's my Libra self trying to balance things out through being one way or another, but rarely moderate. So I guess in this situation I find myself either very compassionate or very cynical. Perhaps that is the blend that attracts drama queens to it.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Kitten news
So baby kitty is doing well. I've moved her into the itty bitty bathroom because she was having litter box issues. As soon as she was confined to a smaller space with vinyl flooring, she adapted immediately to the litter box. There have been no accidents at all, so I think she was perhaps just too nervous in the larger room to use the box properly.
Kitty also has fleas, and I don't just mean 1 or 2, but a whole flea circus. As she's not ok with me picking her up and I don't even want to contemplate giving her a bath, I've been flea combing and washing her with a cloth. Fleas are gross.
I still need a name for her. I got her into a foster program at a local shelter. For $20 they will vet check, test and treat illnesses and diseases and I'll give her a place to live and take her in for adoption days. Her first appointment is on Tuesday and I'd like her to have a name by then. Any suggestions?
Kitty also has fleas, and I don't just mean 1 or 2, but a whole flea circus. As she's not ok with me picking her up and I don't even want to contemplate giving her a bath, I've been flea combing and washing her with a cloth. Fleas are gross.
I still need a name for her. I got her into a foster program at a local shelter. For $20 they will vet check, test and treat illnesses and diseases and I'll give her a place to live and take her in for adoption days. Her first appointment is on Tuesday and I'd like her to have a name by then. Any suggestions?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Birthday and Saturn Return
So Friday was my 34th birthday. Yay me! I know a lot of folks have nothing but angst at their birthday, but I don't. I really just enjoy it more and more every year. Friday wasn't a super exciting day, I had to work after all, but that night my friend X and I went to a local munch with plans to go to the Ren Faire the next day.
Faire was awesome. The weather was perfect and I had 4 of my favorite people come with me for a fabulous girls day of drunkenness and debauchery. Way too fun. I also got a bit drunk, but apparently I was a happy drunk. :D
One of my new traditions is to get a tarot reading by my friend R every year after my birthday and do a bit of a check-in for the year. There was lots of good stuff and some stuff to learn in there, but the most interesting was the concept of "Saturn Return" and the fact that I had missed mine. R explained it as a sort of "diploma" of what you've learned in that part of your life. For the lazy, here's the Wiki Entry.
Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson on something the first time around. Go figure.
Another part of my tarot was the fact I haven't been journaling lately and that I really ought to do so. So here I am trying to work on that particular part. Besides, I miss it sometimes. The reason I was so happy to start journalling in the first place was because I could go back later and read old entries. Hopefully, in an attempt to see where I've been, what I've done, and what I've learned. Learning stuff is good.
S snuck 3 bottles of wine in as my present. She asked me what I'd want to drink and I told her wine, cheap, white and plentiful. She delivered. ;)
She picked wine with awesome names too. One was Mad Housewife, Royal Bitch and hmm.. I can't remember the last one. Probably because I drank it already. ;)
After an absolutely amazing day hanging with my girls, we headed out to my favorite sushi bar on the planet (OK, so I've never been to Japan, but still! so good!) with my girls and a couple other friends who wanted to treat me to my favorite meal. I was all filled up on raw fishies and good times and headed home to snuggle up with kitties.
On the relationship front, Daddy and I have continued to be insanely busy the past few months. It's been rough but we finally got time today to have some sexeh time. It was much needed by both of us frankly. I'm managed to keep plenty busy, but I still miss him even then. At least I'm not pining. That's progress, right?
T, the stray puppy I took in, has moved on to another home. No, she's not actually a puppy, just as messy, excited, annoying, attention seeking and destructive as one. She's also gifted at telling me I'm doing it wrong. Fortunately, I think she's with a person she can get along with well and I really hope it works out for her. I have my key back.
So there's been a stray cat at the shop for the past week. She got into the basement somehow and won't leave. Anyways, I finally caught her today, which the new scars on my arms will attest to. She's very sweet, but filthy and possibly diseased. I was planning to take her to a shelter, but because of all the folks losing their jobs and homes, the shelters are too full to take her. I could pay $25 and have her killed at the humane society, which they would do as she's unadoptable in this state, but I couldn't just let it go. So I called my ex, L, who I've managed to turn into the crazy cat man over the years we were together. I told him about her and asked him if he could help with her vet bills so I could try to give her a home. I live on a super tight budget and spaying and vetting a new kitty is just not on it, sadly.
On that note, if a new kitty (or doggy) IS on yours, please please please go adopt one? And for the love of christ (or your diety/grandmother of choice) get all your pets spayed/neutered. While I'm on the soap box, treat your animals with love, respect and care. New kitty has obviously been abused by someone. She was someone's pet and they threw her away. Now she's feral and almost died. She was drinking nasty water in the basement before we started giving her food and water. It breaks my heart.
So now I have a new kitty, at least for now. I'm not sure if I will be able to just foster her and hope for someone to want to own her or not, or if I will have to keep her. She'll let me pet her a bit, so she's not completely wild, but she's very shy, nervous and hopeful all in one. Now I need to come up with a name. Suggestions are welcome.
At this moment, kitty is snuggled up in her new room, food, shelter, fresh water, a litter box (god I hope she uses it!) and a VERY full tummy. Happily she loves the premium cat food I bought that Mo and Simple sneer at.
Speaking of rooms, the room was so nasty after T left that I had to clean it before I'd let the cat live in there. You know, the stray cat that's filthy herself? Yeah. Gross. There was food all over the floor. Chips, ramen noodles, dog food, cereal. And I'm not talking about a few crumbs. I'm talking about having to use a broom on the carpet before I could use a vacuum because it would get clogged otherwise.
So I don't have good thoughts about "roommates" right now, especially those who aren't actual roommates who pay their own way, but those who are virtually homeless who take advantage of my hospitality and then are totally ungrateful and leave me a mess to clean up. I need to learn to be less sympathetic apparently. *sigh*
And yes, I'm aware of the irony of getting rid of one stray and taking in another. Do I ever.
Faire was awesome. The weather was perfect and I had 4 of my favorite people come with me for a fabulous girls day of drunkenness and debauchery. Way too fun. I also got a bit drunk, but apparently I was a happy drunk. :D
One of my new traditions is to get a tarot reading by my friend R every year after my birthday and do a bit of a check-in for the year. There was lots of good stuff and some stuff to learn in there, but the most interesting was the concept of "Saturn Return" and the fact that I had missed mine. R explained it as a sort of "diploma" of what you've learned in that part of your life. For the lazy, here's the Wiki Entry.
Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson on something the first time around. Go figure.
Another part of my tarot was the fact I haven't been journaling lately and that I really ought to do so. So here I am trying to work on that particular part. Besides, I miss it sometimes. The reason I was so happy to start journalling in the first place was because I could go back later and read old entries. Hopefully, in an attempt to see where I've been, what I've done, and what I've learned. Learning stuff is good.
S snuck 3 bottles of wine in as my present. She asked me what I'd want to drink and I told her wine, cheap, white and plentiful. She delivered. ;)
She picked wine with awesome names too. One was Mad Housewife, Royal Bitch and hmm.. I can't remember the last one. Probably because I drank it already. ;)
After an absolutely amazing day hanging with my girls, we headed out to my favorite sushi bar on the planet (OK, so I've never been to Japan, but still! so good!) with my girls and a couple other friends who wanted to treat me to my favorite meal. I was all filled up on raw fishies and good times and headed home to snuggle up with kitties.
On the relationship front, Daddy and I have continued to be insanely busy the past few months. It's been rough but we finally got time today to have some sexeh time. It was much needed by both of us frankly. I'm managed to keep plenty busy, but I still miss him even then. At least I'm not pining. That's progress, right?
T, the stray puppy I took in, has moved on to another home. No, she's not actually a puppy, just as messy, excited, annoying, attention seeking and destructive as one. She's also gifted at telling me I'm doing it wrong. Fortunately, I think she's with a person she can get along with well and I really hope it works out for her. I have my key back.
So there's been a stray cat at the shop for the past week. She got into the basement somehow and won't leave. Anyways, I finally caught her today, which the new scars on my arms will attest to. She's very sweet, but filthy and possibly diseased. I was planning to take her to a shelter, but because of all the folks losing their jobs and homes, the shelters are too full to take her. I could pay $25 and have her killed at the humane society, which they would do as she's unadoptable in this state, but I couldn't just let it go. So I called my ex, L, who I've managed to turn into the crazy cat man over the years we were together. I told him about her and asked him if he could help with her vet bills so I could try to give her a home. I live on a super tight budget and spaying and vetting a new kitty is just not on it, sadly.
On that note, if a new kitty (or doggy) IS on yours, please please please go adopt one? And for the love of christ (or your diety/grandmother of choice) get all your pets spayed/neutered. While I'm on the soap box, treat your animals with love, respect and care. New kitty has obviously been abused by someone. She was someone's pet and they threw her away. Now she's feral and almost died. She was drinking nasty water in the basement before we started giving her food and water. It breaks my heart.
So now I have a new kitty, at least for now. I'm not sure if I will be able to just foster her and hope for someone to want to own her or not, or if I will have to keep her. She'll let me pet her a bit, so she's not completely wild, but she's very shy, nervous and hopeful all in one. Now I need to come up with a name. Suggestions are welcome.
At this moment, kitty is snuggled up in her new room, food, shelter, fresh water, a litter box (god I hope she uses it!) and a VERY full tummy. Happily she loves the premium cat food I bought that Mo and Simple sneer at.
Speaking of rooms, the room was so nasty after T left that I had to clean it before I'd let the cat live in there. You know, the stray cat that's filthy herself? Yeah. Gross. There was food all over the floor. Chips, ramen noodles, dog food, cereal. And I'm not talking about a few crumbs. I'm talking about having to use a broom on the carpet before I could use a vacuum because it would get clogged otherwise.
So I don't have good thoughts about "roommates" right now, especially those who aren't actual roommates who pay their own way, but those who are virtually homeless who take advantage of my hospitality and then are totally ungrateful and leave me a mess to clean up. I need to learn to be less sympathetic apparently. *sigh*
And yes, I'm aware of the irony of getting rid of one stray and taking in another. Do I ever.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Camping and IBS
Oh, don't be afraid. IBS stands for Irritating Boi Syndrome and refers to T. X, T and I went camping this past weekend with a large group of kinky folks, most of whom we didn't know.
We were all excited about making new friends and perhaps playing a bit if the mood was right. I had a good time because that's how I roll, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way.
Starting off, I had gotten off work early at 2 pm and was hoping to be all packed up and ready to leave the apartment at 4 or 5 at the very latest. We had an hour drive, then an hour for settling our stuff in, and then relaxing with cold beer by a hot campfire by 8pm was my vision of bliss for the evening.
Well flush that down the tubes, cuz that shit didn't happen at all. I left T home to try to organize some stuff and she hurt her back cleaning out her car, so by the time I got home, there was plenty left to be done - mostly by me - while she whined and complained and criticized my every move. I almost flat out said to forget it, except that X was waiting for us and it wasn't fair to just bail on her.
We also had to go shopping for an air mattress. We found lots of them, but not the one that I actually wanted, which was the Coleman 4 in 1. So I opted out of air mattresses. I don't have money to toss away on an air mattress with limited uses.
Anywho, when all was said and done, I was showered, but sweaty, and we were all bundled in the car no later than 8 pm. Yup, just about the time I was planning on relaxing with a nice cold beer.
So then it rained. Hard. For most of the drive to the campsite. Upon arrival, the tent and contents were pretty wet. I tried to get a bed set up for us and stash our stuff, but truly, we had too much shit for the tent size. I can't wait til X has all her camping gear out of storage. Tiny tents with 3 people and over packing is ridiculous.
After that, it was social time and hanging with new people. There were lots of cool folks to meet and chill with. T was unfortunately in a very clingy and annoying space in her brain. Or perhaps I was just bitchy. Who knows, but the entire weekend I fluctuated pretty heavily between enjoying her company and being highly irritated. Not exactly how I expected to feel at all.
It's been like that pretty much since the campout. I didn't play at all the entire weekend. I just didn't feel like it. Feeling like a crabby old bitch isn't really conducive to playing. In addition, T got drunk on Saturday and then was hanging on me like the clingiest girlfriend on the planet. She kept trying to drag me back to the tent and was, frankly, a fucking buzz kill. I regretted bringing her along. I was not relaxing whatsoever, just being tense and grumpy most of the time. I'm still frustrated about it.
And here's the thing. I know she likes me and I do like her. I don't think she's deliberately trying to piss me off. But I feel like the only peace I get is when I isolate away from her. Like most people, my home is my sanctuary away from daily stresses and it's not like that for me anymore.
It is not that she's a bad person or that I want her out. I'm currently on the rag and that's always a bad time for me. In addition, T's presence appears to have triggered my period (or at least spotting) early, and I've been bleeding since Monday of last week. By this point, I'm probably iron deficient and I *know* I'm intensely hormonal.
Can I whine some more? Why not right? It's my blog and I can whine if I want to. I prefer to think I'm just venting, and I certainly need to or my head will falled off.
On a positive note, I made a number of lovely new friends and contacts at the camp out. I actually enjoyed the camping bit this time around, and even used the camp showers and everything. I think some ants were eating me while I slept, because I have some bites on my ankles, but all in all, it was great.
I also saw a couple of fun scenes and play. I don't think I'm much of a voyeur though. It's interesting, but I just don't find it exciting or arousing. Meh. Maybe I'm just jaded and bitchy. Yeah. That seems most likely.
We were all excited about making new friends and perhaps playing a bit if the mood was right. I had a good time because that's how I roll, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way.
Starting off, I had gotten off work early at 2 pm and was hoping to be all packed up and ready to leave the apartment at 4 or 5 at the very latest. We had an hour drive, then an hour for settling our stuff in, and then relaxing with cold beer by a hot campfire by 8pm was my vision of bliss for the evening.
Well flush that down the tubes, cuz that shit didn't happen at all. I left T home to try to organize some stuff and she hurt her back cleaning out her car, so by the time I got home, there was plenty left to be done - mostly by me - while she whined and complained and criticized my every move. I almost flat out said to forget it, except that X was waiting for us and it wasn't fair to just bail on her.
We also had to go shopping for an air mattress. We found lots of them, but not the one that I actually wanted, which was the Coleman 4 in 1. So I opted out of air mattresses. I don't have money to toss away on an air mattress with limited uses.
Anywho, when all was said and done, I was showered, but sweaty, and we were all bundled in the car no later than 8 pm. Yup, just about the time I was planning on relaxing with a nice cold beer.
So then it rained. Hard. For most of the drive to the campsite. Upon arrival, the tent and contents were pretty wet. I tried to get a bed set up for us and stash our stuff, but truly, we had too much shit for the tent size. I can't wait til X has all her camping gear out of storage. Tiny tents with 3 people and over packing is ridiculous.
After that, it was social time and hanging with new people. There were lots of cool folks to meet and chill with. T was unfortunately in a very clingy and annoying space in her brain. Or perhaps I was just bitchy. Who knows, but the entire weekend I fluctuated pretty heavily between enjoying her company and being highly irritated. Not exactly how I expected to feel at all.
It's been like that pretty much since the campout. I didn't play at all the entire weekend. I just didn't feel like it. Feeling like a crabby old bitch isn't really conducive to playing. In addition, T got drunk on Saturday and then was hanging on me like the clingiest girlfriend on the planet. She kept trying to drag me back to the tent and was, frankly, a fucking buzz kill. I regretted bringing her along. I was not relaxing whatsoever, just being tense and grumpy most of the time. I'm still frustrated about it.
And here's the thing. I know she likes me and I do like her. I don't think she's deliberately trying to piss me off. But I feel like the only peace I get is when I isolate away from her. Like most people, my home is my sanctuary away from daily stresses and it's not like that for me anymore.
It is not that she's a bad person or that I want her out. I'm currently on the rag and that's always a bad time for me. In addition, T's presence appears to have triggered my period (or at least spotting) early, and I've been bleeding since Monday of last week. By this point, I'm probably iron deficient and I *know* I'm intensely hormonal.
Can I whine some more? Why not right? It's my blog and I can whine if I want to. I prefer to think I'm just venting, and I certainly need to or my head will falled off.
On a positive note, I made a number of lovely new friends and contacts at the camp out. I actually enjoyed the camping bit this time around, and even used the camp showers and everything. I think some ants were eating me while I slept, because I have some bites on my ankles, but all in all, it was great.
I also saw a couple of fun scenes and play. I don't think I'm much of a voyeur though. It's interesting, but I just don't find it exciting or arousing. Meh. Maybe I'm just jaded and bitchy. Yeah. That seems most likely.
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